Living at home. Acceptable?

[Rectos Dominos]

It seems that in North American society it is a "rule" that you must move out of your parents house as soon as you turn 18 and if you don't you're considered a "loser" and a "moocher".

I am in my mid twenties and live with my parents. Before you call you me a lazy sponge listen before you start judging me. I have lived on my own before for years (including a year and half completely alone with no roommate), I can cook, write checks, pay bills on time, and I can survive on my own mentally and fiscally.

Then a year and half ago my hours where getting cut back due to the recession and not to mention I was living in the Vancouver area which is the most expensive place in the country for housing, so naturally I was worried. I called my parents (I'll admit mostly to bitch) my Dad offered me to come back to my small town to work at his job and move back home. I was against it at first because of the social stigma towards living at home and going back to my small town.

As you can tell I made my choice, my job pays a lot better than my previous, don't worry I don't get any special treatment. I am saving for a down payment on a home so I don't have to spend the rest of my life paying rent to something I'll never own and because I don't plan to live them forever.

I help with the chores and groceries, I do pay my personal bills like my credit card and cell phone. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or bring strange men in the house. I am not partier and I do not obnoxiously crank up my music or computer. I have been working since I was 16 years old and was happy to have my own money. Yet I have had some people make snotty judgmental remarks regarding me living at home.

How do you feel towards living at home after 18? I hear in some other cultures it's not uncommon or weird to be in your 20's and be with your parents. To the international posters (to me outside of Canada and the US) what is it like in your country? To the North American posters do you agree that our culture is like this and do you feel it is ok? Also I haven't found any threads or posts regarding this topic or have any idea what the popular opinion is here.


P.S: This is the first thread I have started on MTS and probably my longest post.

[anothereyjana]

It seems like where this topic is concerned, the US, at least, is now being forced to change it's views, due to how many people are forced to bunk up together due to the recession. In fact, at the moment, people in their twenties are the ones being hit hardest by the unemployment rates because they are the ones who are having the hardest time finding jobs, so some of the stigma might become forcibly shucked off because of this.
Not to mention that there are some who live at home as adults due to other factors, such as medical reasons, or a recent separation, or are caring for their parents or helping their parents care for younger siblings.
The areas where I have lived in for most of my life tend to have people who are at the "working class" (ie, the very bottom rung of the "middle class" group, often just barely above the poverty line) or lower earning level, so it was not too unusual for me to see people still living with their parents for awhile in the past. Most of those around them (at least, those who were in the same, or close to it, socio-economic class) didn't tend to judge them very much for this, as long as they weren't honestly being mooches (ie, were truly just sponging off of parents and not helping financially or otherwise at all), however, people from higher socio-economic classes sometimes did a bit. However, you sometimes got that from them anyway, depending on what your profession was.
I was forced to live at home for awhile in my yearly twenties as well, due to financial reasons, however, I was also working and trying to finish college as well at the time. I ended up saving enough to get my own place eventually. I sometimes really hated living at home, because, even though I didn't tend to look down on people that did, I have always put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to my own financial and social independence. I still do unfortunately.

[whitewaterwood]

Most people aren't financially independent from their parents until their late 20's. You're doing the financially smart thing to do and ensuring yourself a better future free of the debt you would have otherwise acquired without being a huge burden on your parents. Your parents, have, in effect, become your roommates. You're not mooching and appear to be living on equal terms. That makes you a responsible person.

[Cmes1006]

I had to move back with my parents b/c I fell on hard times. To me personally if your parents are willing to help you, and you are striving towards being dependent, bettering your life, and not living off your parents for the rest of your life then yes, it's ok. Everyone needs a little help every now and then don't be too proud to take it. don't worry bout what people think or say. When it comes down to it, are THEY going to help you pay the rent? Pay your light? Provide FREE daycare for your children so you can bring home the bacon? No. So what does it matter what how they feel about your situation? I get where you are coming from b/c I am used to handling my own, but it became WAY too much to pay everything on my own with the job I had. I don't like being here with no job and I've been looking like crazy but the job market is TERRIBLE where I'm at! Believe me I'm not above working fast food to make money, I'll do what I have to! Beggars can't be choosers. But no one is hiring! They need people but can't afford to pay em! It's crazy! I hate feeling helpless! I swore to myself when I *DO* get a job I am going to help my parents out cuz they need it and as soon as they are cuaght back up I will get my own place! :)

[Rawra]

I'd rather be a moocher than live on my own right now. I'm such an airhead and such a short-tempered person, I couldn't really get on with the neighbours like this!

[Black_Barook!]

Yes. Yes it is. I'm 21 and I still live in the same home I've spent the past 18 years in. It is the normal thing here in Kuwait and the rest of the Arab world. Even when you get married you stay in the same building. Although the lack of living space and the need for greenery is pushing the younger generations to leave and set up camp some place else.

[longears15]

I think it depends on circumstances. I moved out of home at 21 - had no choice because of university - and moved back to my parents' house at 23 - again no choice, this time because of illness. I'm 26, and still living with them. BUT... I recieve a disability support pension because at this point in time I'm unable to work and I pay my parents a certain amount of that each fortnight as my contribution towards bills, grocery costs and the like. I 'run' the kitchen - mum & dad go out once a week and I cook every other night. I prepare lunch for mum each day because although she works from home she's so busy that if I didn't make her something she'd not eat properly. Where I can, I contribute to other things - I grow a few veggies, I can do the washing if someone else hangs it out for me, and I can do some of the ironing. In other words - although I do live at home I essentially pay a small amount in board and lodging, and pull my weight around the hour.

My brother is kind of middle ground - he works and pays board (more than I do) but has a tendency to treat the house something like a hotel. He only does housework when pushed, and tends to swan in and out at any/all hours regardless of the effects on other people.

It is very difficult to buy a home now, or even find an affordable rental property in many cases, which I think is why many young adults stay with their parents, and as long as they contribute I feel it is okay. I think when it becomes truly unacceptable is when you have 20-somethings or older who mooch around at home, essentially living off their parents and contributing nothing in return. Unemployed, no desire to look for work - I mean, even if you struggle to get a paid job, there is no shortage of voluntary work to be done whilst you are looking. Those people are the losers IMO.

[jooxis]

In my country (Serbia) it's VERY different than in the USA.

Here it is not only normal to live with your parents (most young people here do) but with your grandparents as well. Three generations under one roof. People don't just "move out" when they get old enough, it's not expected of them. It's also incredibly hard/impossible to afford your own place. When you get married, it's not strange for you and your spouse to be living with your/his parents. I don't know a single 25 year-old who has their own place, let alone an 18 year-old which I don't think ever happens here.

I'm 26 and I have been living with my boyfriend for about a year and half (before that I was obviously living with my parents, and so was he, in his thirties).

[whiterider]

In the UK, there is that kind of attitude, but it's not so strong. It may in fact be an american import, actually - no-one wants to be living with their parents when they're an adult, but in reality everyone realises that sometimes that's what happens. The handful of people I've known who do/did live with their parents as adults - my cousin, who moved back in because she was at a loose end after she quit university, and now pays rent and cooks for the family; and a guy in his forties who moved back in with his mum because he couldn't cope with house-hunting after his wife kicked him out - haven't really received any flak for it.

In the Netherlands, where I live now, it seems to be expected that people in their early twenties will often live with their parents. I'm not sure the exact reasons for this, but I can take a couple of guesses; firstly, NL is something like the second most densely populated country in the world. There just isn't space for every man and his dog to have a place of their own. Secondly, until quite recently, the way health insurance rates were calculated made it much more cost-effective for families to live together. Since I'm not convinced that most people really are financially independent as soon as they move out - I'm certainly not, quite the opposite - it makes sense to think about money as a family rather than as individual households; so why not take advantage of the saving?

[Oaktree]

I'm 20 and, when I'm not living on campus during the semester, I'm living with my parents. I feasibly could live on my own if I could find friends who wanted to share an apartment with me, but all of my friends who initially showed interest in the idea backed out and Fairfax apartments aren't cheap enough that I can realistically go for a single. I don't really regret that I can't get an apartment, because I would probably be scraping by if I did. I'm not really that financially secure yet, so it makes more sense for me to live with my parents. I haven't encountered any stigma for it, but most of my friends that I interact with on a daily basis are in a similar situation.

[Rectos Dominos]

I am Canadian but when it comes to leaving home I feel our attitude is more on par with the US, my country is one of the least densely populated nations in the world. Our banks didn't fall because we have regulations and their haven't been as many foreclosures as the US.

anothereyjana you do make a good point with the US changing their views. Most rudeness I've faced were by older people 40's or 50's, including one now living in a motel (how's that for karma). I haven't faced much if any judgement from people my age. Since it's only a been a few years since the recession the attitude still exists especially from older generations and maybe things will be different it will probably take years before the change is significant.

It's looking like my belief that other cultures have a different view is correct so far and we North Americans are the "weird" ones and it's not coming from third world countries. As Black Barook pointed out even though in his culture it's still "normal" to live with the family but younger people seem to be going the other way. I wonder does my culture expects more or if we're just not very family-oriented?

[kittielickie]

I lived at home until i was 24. The only reason I moved out was b/c i got married. I had an awesome job, paid my bills, helped my parents pay theirs, and bought groceries.

But...I have a cousin that lives at home with her parents. She is 28 now, doesn't pay bills, she doesn't have any b/c she's never tried living on her own. She doesn't buy groceries, or do her own laundry. She doesn't even help clean the house, or cook for anyone but herself. Her dad is on social security b/c he is sick, and her mom works at Kroger's barely making $200 a week. They live in a two bedroom apartment. She only has a part time job working 18 or less hours a week. She doesn't help them pay bills. Now, she is lazy. It's b/c of people like her that living with your parents gives people a bad rep.

[dancehallsim]

Both of my parents lived at home until they got married. My dad was paying rent to his parents until he was about 30 or so and my mom was living for free with her parents until she was 27.

As far as they're concerned with me.. I have a place in our home as long as I need it, rent free. My parents think that it's their responsibility to provide for me if I am unable to provide for myself. Obviously I would have to work and contribute to the house, I can't mooch, but my parents would never turn me away.

[Phoeberg]

I'm 21 and I live at home when not at university. I'll be graduating this summer and I intend to move back home then, purely because there is no way I could afford my own place at the moment, especially in the area that I go to university and in which my parents live and where I would like to remain living. My parents live in a very convenient location for commuting to the city because of my father's job, so it simply makes more financial sense to live with them as it will be easier to get a job and save up money. When I get a job I intend to pay them some form of rent and contribute towards groceries and I already help out with housework. I also think that my mother would like to have me live at home again, and I'd rather live at home than spend most evenings alone in an apartment.

I can barely think of anybody in their 20s that I know who has their own house/apartment etc. As long as somebody is contributing to the household in return for living at home it's perfectly acceptable. Housing and living costs are so expensive these days that I don't think people in their 20s can afford not to be living with their parents.

[el_flel]

It's probably only the case that people are 'expected' to leave home at 18 because they're 'expected' to go to college/university which is usually paid for them, either by parents or a loan. There's a student lifestyle which goes along with student finance in that most students will live in cheap accomodation, they'll live with other people to split bills, and they get discounts/exemptions on certain bills. People who work don't have that and so moving out of home is a bigger financial burden. Most 18 years old who aren't at university aren't financially stable enough to afford to move out because commonly the type of job you get at that age will be low-level and thus low paid.

I started full time work at 19 and left home at 20, but I flatshared with two other girls and got a really good deal so it didn't cost me too much, but it did stretch my budget. I moved into my own place at 22 and that took up all of my income. It's just not feasible for most people who have only recently finished school to afford to get their own place.

[Oaktree]

I do know some people my age who don't live at home, but most of them either never went to college or dropped out of college to start working full time. I only have one friend who lives on her own, goes to college, and works full time, and I don't envy her position.

[kattenijin]

I'm 44, and had to move "home" about a year and a half ago when the company I worked for went out of business, and I didn't find a full-time job fast enough to keep up with the morgage payments. Fortunately, I found someone to rent my townhome; which pays the morgage, taxes, association fees, etc., or I would be one of those people in the current foreclosure crisis. I pay towards the utilities, buy/cook my own food, upkeep my own space, do my own laundry, etc. If I even tried to "mooch", Dad would toss my ass on the street, family ties not withstanding. Unfortunately, I still haven't found a full-time job, and the temp work I have found isn't enough to pay the bills should I want to move back into my home.

[MsScribble]

We have the same view of it in Australia. Personally i think it depends on choice and individual circumstances, those of the parents as well as the individual. At the moment i'm unemployed and living on a disability pension, my rent is so high i can't afford basics. If my parents were nice, and if they lived in a decent house, i would be very tempted to live with them for awhile. Wether or not i actually would, i don't know - maybe it depends on just how dire your circumstances are. Some people are moochers, that's where the images comes from i suppose, and some parents are too nice to chuck them out, but i think we all know that every case is individual.

[calicoskies]

I am 28 and I've never lived away from my parents. I've worked all 9 years of being a adult. The truth of the matter is my parents went from being "wealthy" in the oil industry to in 1985 the industry crashed in oklahoma and my dad has had a shit of a time trying to survive since. My dad was laid off due to his age when I turned 18. I think iwith the economy and your circumstances as long as you contribute it's ok.

In 2001 my mom and I were in a car accident where I was emotional scarred and terrified of driving because my mom had been horrifically injured. She nearly lost her right foot. Since then her health has declined. As she is no longer able to contribute and as a only child I feel it is my duty to assist. Besides my goal ever since 2001 has been to go to college. I've not been able to do that yet because I have to full time at my hourly call center job. I am cufrently desperatly tryingto look into every finicial aid oppertunity I can. I want to better myself but with my parents aging in poor health I am just satisfied to have a roof over all our heads. Mind you my dad works full time at a state job but that job does very little to assist in the massive medical bills my mother costs and Social Security will not cover her because she is still in her 50s

[Nabila_Ici]

In Egypt, in poorer societies at least, parents mooch off of you, not the other way around.

When people are more well-off, parents of a young couple will always (no exception) buy the newly-weds an apartment or a villa, depending on their financial abilities. They will also help them buy cars, pay for their children's schools, etc. If you are unmarried, you're expected to continue living with your parents. My aunt is 45 and has her own fully-furnished apartment, but still lives with my grandparents. The whole rooming-with-a-stranger concept is virtually unheard of, actually!

[crocobaura]

We have a similar situation in Romania to what Wojtek described for Poland. Housing is expensive, not just to buy but also to rent, and fresh out of school or college people don't earn enough to pay for it. They move out when their financial situation improves and that usually happens a few years later or when then they get married because of the joint incomes, or when it's possible to share expenses with a friend or lover. Also, if their parents are retired or farmers, their pensions/incomes are usually so small that children need to help them financially. On the other hand, even if they move out, they usually don't go too far (moving next door is far enough around here :rofl: ) if they live in the same city, because they like to help each other. Grandparents usually babysit for their grandchildren, cook and clean, while their children care for the parents, help them financially, or attend to whatever other needs they have when they grow too old to be fully independent. Retirement homes aren't very popular around here because they are seen as places where one abandons one's elders.

[paksetti]

I just turned eighteen a month ago and people are already calling me a failure.

Apparently there's just some sort of maturity switch that flicks on the moment you become legal and all of a sudden you have a car, job, and a place of your own. Bullshit.

[TheGuySim]

I lived at home until i was 24. The only reason I moved out was b/c i got married. I had an awesome job, paid my bills, helped my parents pay theirs, and bought groceries.

But...I have a cousin that lives at home with her parents. She is 28 now, doesn't pay bills, she doesn't have any b/c she's never tried living on her own. She doesn't buy groceries, or do her own laundry. She doesn't even help clean the house, or cook for anyone but herself. Her dad is on social security b/c he is sick, and her mom works at Kroger's barely making $200 a week. They live in a two bedroom apartment. She only has a part time job working 18 or less hours a week. She doesn't help them pay bills. Now, she is lazy. It's b/c of people like her that living with your parents gives people a bad rep.

Your cousin sounds like my 26 year old brother, especially after he lost his job. Dont get me wrong, I love my bro, but he seriously needs to help around the house, especially since it is such a big family.

Im still living with my parents and Im just about turning 18, but I wont be leaving school and going into college till I'm 19!! (damn Irish education system...) Im pretty much a year older than most my class mates, but I dont see myself leaving home until around my mid-twenties, but once I leave school, I'll be helping my parents at home since they are very old as it is, so it's nice to help them :)

But my sister has some serious problems about leaving home :rolleyes: Shes 30 years old (yes 30) with a job, and car, yet she still wont leave home! I need to find her a boyfriend to try and get her to leave :lol:

[SimPerson]

I'm from the UK and live with my parents at age 22. The reason I live at home is because rent in my area is very high. I work full time and yet the cheapest 1-bed flat we could find would eat up nearly 2/3 of my take home pay. I'd never be able to feed myself, pay heating, electricty, water bills, phone internet, travel to work, council tax and all that other stuff on the pittance that I'd be left with. I'd struggle to do even two or three of those things. I would not mind renting a room in a shared house (potnetially cheaper) but in my area its mostly families and older people who aren't really the house sharing type so this option is not really open to me.

I try not to let it get me down and I try to ignore those snotty people who don't understand why some people are stuck living with their parents because rent is too high. I'm really glad I went to uni in a different part of the country so I was forced to learn how to cook and take care of myself. I know people in their 30s and 40s that have never experienced living away from their parents and I'm glad thats not me.

[el_flel]

Tbh living at home is a really great way to save money for a deposit on your own house because you shouldn't be paying out even nearly as much as you would if you were renting.

[Chelleypie]

It's acceptable, certainly.

I'm 24, and I live at home. Never lived anywhere else. I was going to go away for college until I got pregnant - then it just wasn't possible. I needed to live at home, in order to keep myself and my daughter fed. I have a job (admittedly a low-paying one) and I do what I can to help with household chores and groceries - with my schedule, it's hard. Really, home's a crash pad and a meal stop between work and school!

My fiance has also lived at home most of his life, and he's 32. He helps out with bills, groceries, and chores, and he works. When his dad died last year, he chipped in more. He did a stint on his own, but couldn't find work, so he moved back home. Now we're looking at us both 'flying the nest' at the same time - and our mothers are feeling it, let me tell you!

I think it's all right, but to me, you should chip in for your needs. I do as much as I can on my own, but sometimes the money just isn't there - like I said, I work a minimum-wage job and am in school full-time. So my parents are usually quite happy to chip in for my daughter's needs.

[Drakesecaravdis]

I can't believe that. do these people live under a rock? or are they really that rude?
who can live on their own with this recession (like many said)?

I live with my mom. I have never gotten flack for it though except from myself. there are times where I'm like "I just hate this. this is really stupid". it makes me feel crippled.
I go to online college so I can't live in a dorm and I've tried so hard to apply to many places because I actually am hurting for a job. the only thing I haven't tried is fast food. I refuse to because I really don't think I can handle it. my last and only job was at Roy's and they weren't that busy..well it's obvious how that worked out for me. it just soured me. I'm not being picky but I do have standards.
but anyway
I did try Pizza Hut a few times. that is my exception because a) I love their pizza I could eat there all the time and most importantly b) most of the time that I'm at my local Pizza Hut there's like 2 or 3 other customers there. sometimes more on Saturdays but that's about it
they keep saying they'll get back to me but I guess I can see why they're not hiring. since they don't have a lot of business, they wouldn't need any more workers...sucks
other places:
CVS- they gave me an interview...after they interviewed all the people, they apparently didn't need people anymore. god make up your mind what you're doing, I say.
-got an application from the book & video store, that didn't work out.
-Kmart, not even a reply back saying they'd look into my application
-I think I tried Walmart.
-SuperPetz..I went in there several times I'm fairly sure. they had nothing except for experienced dog groomers
now their establishment has turned into PetCo and applications are available but I still can't pass the test apparently
-Office Depot. boy was that a headache. they had like 150 pages of etiquette questions at the end. I thought about each question thoroughly and for what? not. a. damn. thing
-Petsmart, tried several times..same old story. I went in there a few times and said I'd really like to work here. would you please look at my application.
-once I was offered a job selling knives. it intrigued me. I went in for the interview and I passed but I just had to take training. I told them I'd be there but I chickened out. I really regretted doing that at the time because I felt like I blew my only chance at work but now I feel better because someone on a forum told me that it was a scam. remember "if something's too good to be true, then it probly is"
-a clothing store in the mall
-Today's Pet (it's the mall pet store) you have no idea how much I've wanted to work in this store. they have puppies to play with, it's so fun! so of course I was REALLY REALLY enthusiastic once I gave them my application and also a while after when I asked them if they had looked at my application yet. I mentioned my experience in animals..that I've owned dogs before and rabbits (I've also owned an anole and fish so I probly mentioned that too). I told them "I want this job. I love this store. I need this job" it's like I was practically on my freakin knees. if I had the courage I'd probly "sing" them a song like "I know you don't need me but I refuse to let you go. if I have to beg and plead for your sympathy I don't mind cuz you mean that too much to me. ain't too proud to beg pet store please please take me store." however I guess when you have a job where you get to work with cute puppies or near cute puppies, everyone wants it

I've already lost hope so I've gotten to the point where I get closer and closer to giving up (even though again I'm hurting for a job)

the problem with this is most jobs these days require you to apply online and what does that mean? ridiculous etiquette questions at the end that requires special answers so you can never pass it.
getting a job= winning the lottery/Publishers Clearing House
and I've never won anything in my life having to do with sweepstakes, contests etc except for a 100 dollar gift card from GSN site.


my mom got fired recently so she's suffering too...she's like me, she can't work at fast food again.
if I moved out, I probly wouldn't get the benefits that she does *for some odd reason*. for example someone told her that I couldn't get medical/health help but she could. I don't even remember why but I seem to remember the reason was pretty ridiculous and I don't understand it at all
even so, we might as well suffer together instead of separate I suppose

admittedly, my mom asks me sometimes to put the dishes in the dishwasher and I don't often do it but idk...I'm just funny like that because I'd rather wash them by hand and put them back which I don't have the motivation to do because I know how tiring it is and I end up sleeping too much anyway so it's like by the time I wake up my mom already put them in.
I have done the dishes sometimes however, a few times even by hand and my mom was like "what do you think the dishwasher is for?"

I didn't take the trash out yesterday because I felt bad (that's a first for me) and so I didn't want to go out in the cold/didn't feel good enough to get dressed in warmer clothes.
but any other time I do take it out, in fact I try to take out all the trash ASAP because it bugs me just sitting there. it's part of my OCD, I'm sure (which I try to keep that advantage in mind when the OCD is driving me bananas)
I've tried to help my mom with her room in the past but it's so dang messy..she never knows where to start and doesn't know where to put things. I would tell her she needs to start pitching some stuff because it's just way too much. she's gotten better with that but it's still a lot. everything's hers in the living room except for some DVDs/video tapes & playstation 2. she's got her room full. she's got a few things in my room. I just don't know how to help her and it seems hopeless.
my mom also goes to online college so we try to help each other with our homework. I often don't know what to do on hers though so most of the time I type it out for her and that helps.
I do often tell her what to do in general and push her to do various things. she has ADD so she says it really helps.
I often ask her if she needs help with the laundry. I carry them up for her and have asked several times what else I should do. she tells me she doesn't need anymore help so she just does the clothes herself. I've started to wonder if she's purposefully spoiling me there..trying to hold me back because she has implied that she couldn't handle it if I left.
I can't cook. the only thing I've made alone was macaroni and cheese from the beanie baby cookbook but I have often watched the food for my mom when she has to go the bathroom or something.


god this is long sry

[AnnaIME]

In Sweden you are expected to want to move out to an apartment of your own. Generally speaking, people who don't want to move out are considered a bit strange and people who can't are pitied. My parents pitched in so I could move out when I was 20, and they more or less kicked my brother out by putting up collateral so he could get a mortgage to buy a bedsit condo when he was 24 (or maybe 23).

Getting an apartment with a friend happens, but isn't very common. Sharing with people you don't know like they do in the movies, or like the sitcom Friends, that's so rare that I have actually read an article in a magazine about some students who couldn't get dorm rooms, so they rented a house together. The spin was that these were innovative young people who had discovered something new...