Am I Ugly? Trend

[Yazoo]

Yeah, so I was searching things online. Well, I was going too with the Yahoo search engine, when I stumbled on this article:

Am I Ugly? (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/trending-now/am-ugly-videos-spark-disturbing-youtube-trend-171407972.html)

By the way if you read the comments on some of those videos, it will break your heart. I am in tears because of what people are saying to some of those girls, and guys, even. This is a fucked up world we are living in. And some those girls and guys don't need that, nor do they deserve it.

This right here broke my heart. Not because of the fact some people are there actually cared about the girls, but for the fact of what people say of others. It literally broke my heart, to know that jerks out there can be so mind my language fucking cruel. People, those cruel people, don't deserve the spit if they were on fire.

Sorry, but its true. I know what it is like to wake up in the morning staring in the mirror, asking myself "Why am I so ugly?"

I know a lot girls do it, and I know a lot of guys do it. But for people to just bash on them because they aren't pretty in their eyes. Lets put it down this. The some of the most ugliest people you will meet are people that look like super models, why? Because they know that they are hot, and they have an ego the size of the universe. Some of those people have such an awful personality, its horrible.

You see, I was bullied in high school, and I still am. Why? Because I am not that popular cheerleader. That hot girl, guys drool over. I am not that. All I have is my personality. And that gets me by with some people. But others. They stare at me in disgust. I know what they are thinking. Because I've heard it before.

So to my question, what advice would you give these girls?

My advice would be this:

Don't let the world see you as a book that they will never read. Be who you are and show them that you are gorgeous. Because you are.

[Oaktree]

I don't think the people who say things like that are worth your ire. It's mean, but I don't think your reaction is proportionate. People are mean sometimes. It doesn't excuse it, but sometimes turning a blind eye to that sort of thing is the best way to get rid of it. A lot of the people who respond to these videos with cruel comments are probably trolls. And the #1 rule on the internet is 'don't feed the troll'.

I'm not sure whether you're expressing your own insecurities, or merely expressing past insecurities, but, in my experience, it doesn't matter what kind of looks or personality you've got, so long as you're honest about what you've got. I'm not a supermodel, but I've started seeing someone who finds me attractive. I found him because I didn't try to put myself out there as something I'm not. I let him know what kind of person I am, and he let me know what kind of person he is, and so each of us knew what we were getting involved in. I don't think there's anything wrong with people pursuing a partner for looks if that's what they want, but I know I don't have 'em, so I'm up front about what I do have.

A lot of people are way too focused on looks and think they'll never find a partner unless they're gorgeous. For the record, most of the girls in that clip were very pretty, but there should be a stronger focus not on telling every girl that she's beautiful, but on letting girls know that they don't have to meet society's standards of beautiful to find someone; and if they don't want a partner, they shouldn't have to define their worth around their lack of a romantic partner, either.

Maybe some of the people making harsh comment were expressing their honest opinions. Maybe those people really don't think that those girls are pretty. I don't think people should be strung up for expressing their opinions. I think those girls need to learn that some people they meet won't find them attractive, but that doesn't mean that they're worthless. Many teenagers are going through an emotionally tumultuous, vulnerable state, but sometimes harsh truths are necessary, even if they hurt.

[Yazoo]

I really didn't say ALL people are like that, I said some. And frankly that is the truth some are just cruel and unusual.

And as for the girls, yes they are all beautiful. But the one girl's replies...Oh my god, it made me cry. Some of those comments were freaking horrible. Some said that Apollo XIII could have landed on her head. And people with low self esteem that just makes things much worse. To read those things, to go and look at themselves in the mirror realizing that they are being truthful, but when I read those comments, I was crying. I had a woman ask me what was wrong, and I told her. And she shook her head and said that is just wrong, and hurtful.

No one deserves those hurtful words, no one. And for people to watch these girls or guys spill how they feel about themselves, and someone to just bark at them. Its like, how can they do that to another person. But when it comes down to it, some girls and guys, can't see themselves as beautiful. They look in the mirror and cry because they hear what people say about them, and some of them are from their own damn family. Its hard, when it struck through the heart by a family member, and then it gets worse when its a peer.

[Oaktree]

I understand why it's upsetting, but I think it's important that people learn sooner or later that beauty isn't everything. Yes, if you're truly gorgeous, you can go pretty far on that alone, but most people can't. It's not 'fair', but it's reality. What I'm saying is that those girls don't necessarily need to receive comforting words telling them that they're beautiful as much as they need to realize that being beautiful isn't the be-all-end-all of life. It'd be better for them to focus on things like "I'm a caring person who helps out in my community", or "I'm intelligent and motivated". Things like that. I know I'm not beautiful, and I don't cry about it. Because I base my self-esteem on other factors.

Many of these girls have been trained to base their self-esteem on how beautiful they are. I think our society should be gravitating away from that standard. Society isn't going to do a whole lot to wean those girls off of that ideology, but it's not impossible to learn to appreciate yourself for your other qualities. And, while it's not a nice way to do it, maybe people telling them they're not beautiful will help them shift focus to other things. Granted, teenagers are often a little mentally unstable, so it's not the best methodology, but I think it's always better for a person to learn to develop a think skin against the insults of people that don't matter in their life.

EDIT: I think I need to state my position a little more clearly. I'm not prescribing that girls be told they're ugly to try to turn them away from basing their self-esteem in looks. I'm simply saying that there's a potential silver-lining, in that, if they rationally consider the responses, they may realize that absolutely everyone isn't going to think they're pretty, no matter how pretty they are. I agree that it's mean to tell people they're ugly, and that being mean is an objectionable thing, but I'm playing devil's advocate. These girls are overly focused on looks, and they're leaving themselves open to abuse. Whenever you expose yourself to a large group of people, you can expect at least a handful to be assholes. You just have to learn to live with the fact that there are assholes in the world.

[live2draw]

you know this is a really sad topic, and its dismaying, at least to me that these people feel the need to post these videos for confirmation that they are beautiful. It's even more dismaying that some people feel its ok to post degrading and demeaning comments to make them feel worse about themselves.

Why do people feel the need to do this? why do people feel the need to put others down? I wasn't the popular girl in school either, and I've been battling with my weight my whole life. Everyone knows that society hates fat people, and I've been called a lot of things, ugly being the least of it. but I'm learning to love myself fat and all.

My advice to those guys and girls are:
Don't rely on society to tell you you're beautiful. They're not going to, most likely they're just going to put you down. Love yourself with your imperfections, no one is perfect. Do things that make you feel confident and enjoy life. You only live once.

[SimsLover50]

The reality is, as you age, everyone kind of loses their looks. Once a person matures hopefully they will realize that such things as appearence don't matter quite so much.

[SuicidiaParasidia]

Why do people feel the need to do this? why do people feel the need to put others down?

for once, this sort of thing has a simple answer.

its because deep down, a lot of people are ugly. serene on the outside, but rotten to the core. the more you look around, the more youll see it...people dont practice what they preach about treating others with kindness and respect. they smile and gesture and then go home and bully a kid theyve never met into attempting suicide, safe from the judgments of those who matter in their world behind their virtual anonymity.
people place so much on appearances (their own even moreso than others) that its come to the point where it seems like whats really deep down in there, doesnt matter, to most.

[crocobaura]

Actually "hot" does not mean "beautiful". If you want to be the hot girl that all the guys drool over, all you need to do is dress and behave in a sexually provocative way.

[Yazoo]

What I don't get, is how people think "sexy" is everything. You hang around girls that claim that they are sexy, those are usually the girls, that have the worst WORST personality. Its all about EGO with everyone, or with some. People want to be better than others, and some just sit there and take it, because they don't know what to do.

And those girls, didn't deserve to see those freaking comments! They were horrible! I couldn't believe my eyes. Talk about people that way, and just dissing on them, and not showing a fucking heart! They are those people that don't have a backbone! They make fun of others to just to make themselves feel better. And that is why teens and even young adults, as well as adults. That is why people kill themselves, they have this low self esteem, then they get smacked down.

Its not about, whether these girls or guys feel beautiful or not, its how they picture themselves, or how others picture them. So, what do they do? They ask complete strangers online, to see what they say. Why? Because they can't see their face, when they tell them how they feel. Those kind of reactions...It hurts.

P.S I am sorry for dropping the F Bomb

[VerDeTerre]

It does sound like nasty business. I won't check out the videos because this isn't the type of thing that appeals to me. What's particularly sad is that the people who put the videos up in the first place had their egos wrapped up in their appearances and really opened themselves up to attack by complete strangers. The whole thing is incredibly shallow on either end. Further, I find I don't agree with what is often called "sexy" or "beautiful" by magazines or the entertainment industry. Even my ideas of those things have changed as I've aged. For me, beauty isn't always communicated in photos or in videos. There's a bigger piece that is communicated in person.

That old adage "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is true. I've noticed that my perceptions of another's attractiveness changes as I get to know him or her. This became clear to me in adolescence when a boy I had a thing for proved to be a first class jerk. Suddenly, he wasn't so cute anymore.

The other old adage of "beauty is as beauty does" is also quite true. Looks really aren't everything. I'm not sure how much of anything looks are to begin with anyway. There are those without any physical beauty who communicate charm in such a way as to seem very attractive. I remember a story a friend told me of how her grandparents met. They were at a party. Her grandfather was so taken by her grandmother that he left the party and came back with a gift of flowers for her. I've seen photos of her grandmother when she was younger. She was not a looker by any stretch of the imagination, but I understand she was the most lovely person to be around. She was very sweet and kind. She had 'something' that drew people to her.

I think about some of the very happily married couples I know where one or both of partners isn't really all that attractive physically. Their spouses seem very satisfied with them, just the same. If looks were what mattered to love, then this couldn't be.

[Yazoo]

I am going to throw this out there. Do you know why women and guys act like this? Why they see themselves as these ugly people? Or why they listen to others about their appearance? One word:

Media

These teens all the way to adults, all they see is. Super Models or these shows of hot women and men going to get a hot guy or hot woman (Bachelor and Bachelorette) It wasn't until miss Barbie came out, that every girl in the world had the fashion known as "The Eating Disorder" or other words known as "Anorexia or Bulimia. Because every damn girl had to look like Barbie the huge icon, the role model to young girls.

Media makes a big impact on people. Teens watch those shows like "The Next Top Super Model" and they ask themselves, this very important question:

"Why can't I look like that?"

There are people out there that make fun of a woman or a man who is bald, and not even asking why. Some have a Thyroid Problem or they have Cancer, or its in their genetics to lose their hair at a young age. But this generation, has to be the worse for bullying. Because when I was in high school, I didn't see Youtube Videos popping up asking:

"Am I Ugly?"

No, no way. When I was in high school, there wasn't a huge suicide rate, and yes, sadly, I am in this generation where kids just don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. Its like that saying:

"If the boot fits."

For these bullies, that is all they know. They are the ones with the truly shitty self esteem. I have said it once, and I will say it again, they just love putting someone else down, just to make themselves feel that much better. And the worse part? Some of these teachers and these parents are not getting involved. And then they ask:

"Why is my sweet girl or guy becoming this monster?"

Well, get your head out of your ass, and see whats going on around you! But hate to say it...Media has a huge thing in a young person growth. Because teens see these actors, actresses, models, and blah blah as their role models. But the truth? They aren't. They should choose better role models. And it is just recently, that actors and actresses are helping the kids who are being bullied.

And I believe that...I could be wrong, but it was because of this one kid's video on Youtube, about him being gay, and being bullied and how he wanted to end his life. But wouldn't give up, because the bully would win. And I believe it was Lady Gaga that began to help people that are bullied and others got involved.

[Lawli-Lawli]

"The prettiest face can have the ugliest soul."

I live by that. Just because someone looks good on the outside, doesn't mean its all great on the inside. And vice versa. Your outside looks are just "window dressing", after you open your mouth and say something, I start the real assessment(if you will).

[Oaktree]

I'm going to do some mild devil's advocating again. That pretty people aren't always good people and ugly people aren't always bad has become the standard view of society, at least on an intellectual level, even if not an emotional level. I think that it is important to also remember that pretty people aren't always bad and ugly people aren't always good. Some people reverse the stereotype and like to think that pretty people are selfish, terrible people, and ugly people are kind souls who are misunderstood. The truth is, you shouldn't judge a person's personality either positively or negatively based on appearances.

[Saturnfly]

Personality will probably always be secondary. Let's face it, our natural, primary instinct is to find a mate, copulate and procreate, and it's only natural for the reasonably attractive to be attracted to someone equally attractive so they can create attractive, successful babies to keep the generations going for as long as possible.

When you get down to it, though, personality is the usual deciding factor in whether a relationship between two people can work (sexual or otherwise). So in my opinion, if people are open-minded about who they share their companionship with, they are probably going to find someone they are compatible with a lot quicker than if they were to select those with only mere physical attraction who might not possess a great, logical personality.

But what is attractive? I'm sure no two people are alike in what they find beauty in.
For me, I find personal hygiene attractive because it shows someone cares about their appearance and their health which shows they maintain some level of confidence. Confidence I think, is more attractive than physical beauty, and it's usually the confident people who find companionship a lot more frequently than those who, like myself, are shy and spend most of their time inside and who solely rely on sci-fi conventions, lol.

The same goes for ugliness. I find people who think everything is hopeless and so make little effort, ugly. I find someone with greasy hair, an oily face and smelly clothes, ugly.

It's easy to sit back and complain to the world about how the world treats you unfairly, it's also easy to be affected by the cruel things people sometimes say, I know I've done it. I left school because of bullying, because I didn't want to share the same environment with people who thought it was socially acceptable to physically and mentally abuse someone who wears glasses, or who is a little quiet. I regret leaving school every damn day of my life and I hate myself more than those people who drove me out, for even thinking I wasn't worth it. But at least nowadays I allow myself to be equal. I don't feel sorry for myself if someone is a bit mean to me, instead I see their own reflected personality. Their ugly personality and am glad I don't possess the same ' qualities'.

[5M0K3]

Everyone's ugly.

That's my philosophy.

[opiumgirl]

There is no such thing as ugly.
That said, initial reaction of people is based on looks but I think that people are attracted to people who physically look like themselves, or people resemble themselves in some way.
Like an identifying factor, if that makes sense.
You get the exception of course but from years of people watching I think it is true.
After the initial attraction you get into things like interests and compatibility.
For me personality goes a long way, also I have a thing for brains ;)

[SuicidiaParasidia]

That old adage "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is true.

very true. there is not a single person on this earth who can appeal to every other person in the world. its important to remember that not everyone is going to like how you look, but that that's not necessarily such a bad thing.

happiness and beauty dont necessarily go hand-in-hand, either. how valuable is the attention of strangers when those strangers dont actually care about you?

[LuvSims2011]

Am I ugly?

[andre8]

I think that how good you look is dependent on your attitude. If you think you're beautiful, your beautiful. On the contrary, if you think you're ugly, you're ugly.

[Yazoo]

But the problem, is not ALL girls nor guys think that way. Take for instance this:

For a very long time people said ONLY girls were anorexic. But then they saw that guys were doing it as well. EVERYONE suffers from self esteem one way or another. Whether they are getting low grades, then they think of themselves of stupid. Someone who finds themselves less appealing than others, consider themselves ugly. The list goes on. Just people only want to see "The Ugly" if that is the case. Then being stupid is ugly.

@opiumgirl: You are so very right, no one is ugly. Everyone is beautiful in their very own unique way. I think my writing is beautiful, therefore, I feel that I'm beautiful. (Shh, yes, I came to this...Way late. Shh) Because I know that when I write I am putting my heart out there, and for that...I know that my heart is beautiful, because I have a golden heart or a heart of gold (I've been told this).

@VerDeTerre: Your so very right hun. But sometimes the eye could be very cruel. :( And sadly, its true. That is what we call f***ed back stabbers.

[maxon]

You know what my advice would be to those girls? Don't put up videos on UTube asking if you are beautiful. It's the internet, FCOL. Trollish answers are 100% guaranteed.

[AlexandraSpears]

I got it really bad in school. Other girls used to whistle at me and say "Here Fritzie" as if I were a dog. I was told countless times I got beat with the ugly stick.

My husband seems to like how I look but I don't. I just turned 39 and I can't dwell on that period of my life too much or I get depressed and angry.

[LuvSims2011]

Am I very ugly?

[LuvSims2011]

Am I so ugly that I treat babies insanely like this?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQn9zYONI0A&feature=related

(Actually I never would, only her)

[Yazoo]

I got it really bad in school. Other girls used to whistle at me and say "Here Fritzie" as if I were a dog. I was told countless times I got beat with the ugly stick.

My husband seems to like how I look but I don't. I just turned 39 and I can't dwell on that period of my life too much or I get depressed and angry.

I am so sorry that you had it rough, hun. And to have those people do that...That's just wrong. I am really sorry that you had to go through that, hun.


You know what my advice would be to those girls? Don't put up videos on UTube asking if you are beautiful. It's the internet, FCOL. Trollish answers are 100% guaranteed.

But some of those girls, are asking people that they can not see. Why? So that way they can't see their reaction. For instance, people who find someone ugly, what do they do? They stare, and do not stop. And for those girls, to have that reaction EVERY DAY, they don't want to see it anymore.

[paksetti]

Mm. I guess wanting an objective opinion is a reason. Not a good one but a reason.

Random people on the internet aren't going to build your self-esteem, in fact, it'll probably make it worse if you're someone who is easily influenced by the opinion of complete strangers. Speaking as someone who enjoys tarting people up for a living, that superficial shit is pointless. Just be happy with yourself and fuck everything else.

[Yazoo]

True, paksetti. But there is a lot of people that can not be happy with themselves. Because they have been through a lot.

They may have been abused by a family member or friend

They may have been treated like they were dirt, and/or a servant

They may have been called names over the years

They may want to do something to their body to enhance it (as in breast enhancement, or breast reduction, or nose job, etc.)

They may want to have a gender reassignment surgery

They want to loose weight

They want to be taller

For an example, some people make look at their glass half-full, others will look at it as half-empty, and there is that some that will look at it empty. That is the whole point of these people going to complete strangers. Because they can NOT talk to their peers, because those are the people dogging on them all the time.They can't go to their peers, because they don't want to hear it, because they think they are whining. With this (mind my language) fucked up society, there is NO ONE that these teens can turn to. Some parents, yes. Some teachers, yes. And some friends, yes. But most of the time...We are stuck in this cold heartless world. And that is why people are killing themselves. That is why people seek help from a therapist. That is why there is so much bullying.

As much as I hate to say it...There is only a tiny few, to some people. That may think of themselves as happy, and like who they are. But there is a lot more out there...That can't stand themselves.

[KKiryu007Joker]

True, paksetti. But there is a lot of people that can not be happy with themselves. Because they have been through a lot.

They may have been abused by a family member or friend

They may have been treated like they were dirt, and/or a servant

They may have been called names over the years

They may want to do something to their body to enhance it (as in breast enhancement, or breast reduction, or nose job, etc.)

They may want to have a gender reassignment surgery

They want to loose weight

They want to be taller



For me all of those comes too mind, though I am happy with my gender and weight (edit: DAMN IT I MADE IT SOUND LIKE I HAD A SEX CHANGE.)

[Oaktree]

As much as I hate to say it...There is only a tiny few, to some people. That may think of themselves as happy, and like who they are. But there is a lot more out there...That can't stand themselves.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that the majority of people can't stand themselves. I think the majority of people are generally happy, even if they aren't 100% perfectly satisfied with themselves. I'd like to lose some weight, but it doesn't mean I think I'm worthless. Hell, my constant personal goal is self-improvement, which requires that I be starting from a place that isn't perfection. I know I'm not perfect, but every time I make some small improvement on the person I am, it's a victory, and it makes me happy. It's not the only thing that makes me happy, either. And different people base their happiness on different things.

I think it may be accurate to say that the majority of teenagers are unhappy with themselves. The teenage peer group is merciless about imperfections, and most teens are more prone to emotionality. Once you get into college/the real world, though, unless your particular peer group/job field is merciless about imperfections, most people learn to live with themselves.

[paksetti]

True, paksetti. But there is a lot of people that can not be happy with themselves.

Hell, my constant personal goal is self-improvement, which requires that I be starting from a place that isn't perfection. I know I'm not perfect, but every time I make some small improvement on the person I am, it's a victory, and it makes me happy. It's not the only thing that makes me happy, either. And different people base their happiness on different things.

I have to agree with Oaktree here. It may not seem it from where you're standing, (it didn't when I was in a similar place for a lot of my life, though it wasn't necessarily because of my looks) but being happy with yourself and working to improve your life and the lives of the ones you love is all you need to worry about. Even if the change is something tiny, don't devalue yourself over something so pointless as your looks.

Being a teenager is fucking horrible. Plain and simple. Nothing fits right. You're either coddled like a child or dumped with the responsibility of an adult. Everything is awkward as hell and everyone is insecure. I'm just now coming out the other side, and let me tell ya, it gets better. Life always going to have challenges, but 13-17 was fucking brutal, and it is for most people.


(Also, lemme just say again that going to complete strangers on the internet to boost your self-esteem is a bad idea. Plain and simple. Self-esteem and self-worth ultimately do not come from other people. Especially not from people who have no qualms about making fun of emotionally fragile kids for no reason)

[AlexandraSpears]

I think things improved for me starting around 10th-11th grade...the losers that would pick on me repeated freshman year, then dropped out (in Michigan at the time, you could drop out at 16), and people mature.

I need to drop weight myself. So far I have lost 40 pounds in the past few months, and that's through changing diet. Another 70-80 and I should be at my ideal weight.

When I was in 7th grade this one boy gave me a black eye and I'd had no idea who he was. I don't even recall the reason...I'm thinking maybe someone told him I said something about him. He was one of those losers that dropped out. Then the joker had the nerve to try to friend me on Facebook!

[VerDeTerre]

You're not going to find happiness staring in the mirror or seeking validation about things like looks. Looks don't bring about lasting happiness. Who you are and what your worth in life is found deeper within. It has more to the attitudes and principles you hold, how you treat other people, and how you behave in any given situation.

Think about that old parable about sowing seeds. If the seeds land on rocks, they can't really sprout. If they manage to find a little bit of dirt, they may sprout and then quickly wither and die. Looks and possessions can only give satisfaction for so long. They can also be taken away easily through illness or accident, theft or fire. Looks can fade and things can break down. But if you've built your sense of self in deeper ground - in how you think and what you think about and in how you behave - that can't be taken away as easily. Place your energies in things that matter.

[opiumgirl]

I really think that basing your self-worth on something as arbitrary as appearance is a recipe for disaster no matter what you look like.
As an example, we have two friends who both have girlfriends.
Both girls are in their early to mid twenties.
One girl literally looks like a goddess, she is one of the most good-looking girls I have ever seen.
She is so insecure that she goes completely into a rage fit if her boyfriend so much as speaks to another woman (this includes me and I am 40, her mother is 2 years older than me for goodness sake!) I have never seen her with out make-up and she is obsessed with what she is wearing at all times.

The other girl is not ugly but the prettiest thing about her appearance is her very long hair. She doesn't give a fig who her boyfriend chats with, wears jeans and a tank top and no make up. She rolls around on the grass with my daughter, chats with everybody, is funny and we always enjoy inviting her to our home.

I really think that almost everything about you is more important than what you look like.
It is sad that our society has become so shallow that it perpetuates such false standards of worth, but really I think that it is our fault too. We are not sheep after all!
Also it does get better as you get older. :)

[Yazoo]

I guess a lot of girls now a days, have this VERY low self esteem and self worth. And I will say it again, its because of the media. And their peers. Same with guys. They think that these actors and actresses are their gods and goddesses. But that is not true.

And I know how some women can get very jealous, believe me, I dated one, and she was very gorgeous. And she didn't think she was. In fact, I tried to hang out with my friends. And she hated me for doing so, eh. We are over.

I honestly don't get how some people get the joy out of putting someone down repeatedly. And then they wonder why the person either killed themselves, or brought a gun to school, and shot at everyone.

Its getting horrible :(

[KKiryu007Joker]

I hate the media and filthy guys. People are beautiful because they are in their way, not because they have to mesh with some preconceived delusion.

[VerDeTerre]

Teens are often overly concerned with their appearance. Pop culture, in the U.S. at least, feeds that negatively by emphasizing appearance over most other attributes. It becomes a value of sorts - a very shallow one. I'm not sure why some teens and young women escape this and why so many others don't. And I'm not sure what you would do to help someone who is caught up in this and has a poor self-image. I think getting them to shift their values might be a good starting point.


http://i.imgur.com/qbf61.jpg

[SuicidiaParasidia]

As much as I hate to say it...There is only a tiny few, to some people. That may think of themselves as happy, and like who they are. But there is a lot more out there...That can't stand themselves.

alas, that is not a problem that can ever be solved by objective input. you see, if a person is doubtful about their appearance, there will be nothing that someone else can say to dispel that doubt until the person themselves decides to not doubt. you always find what you look for, be it happiness or suffering.

you are the only person who can "fix" yourself when you break. you are the only person who has the power, the tools, the knowledge....its silly to look elsewhere when all the answers are written on the backs of your eyes. you just need awareness, patience, and determination to change it...and trust me, i went through a very lengthy period of awful self image issues. im still not completely over anorexia (needless to say, i avoid full-length mirrors like the plague), but, any change to the within has to come from within. nobody can reach in and flip a switch and make you right...thats your own job, and you are capable of it.*
it may not be easy, but who says the easy way is always the best way?

but we arent taught that. nobody tells us that we can do it, that our own opinion trumps the rest 9 times out of 10**, so we continue to wait for a knight in shining armor, despite the fact that the knight is a myth and we'll wither away to nothing after long. and my generation is a lazy, entitled one. it whines and stomps its feet at the mere idea of reading--much less taking time to sit down, introspect, and put effort into rerouting their brain and changing their reinforcing negative behaviors. no no, "i want that but i just cant have that" is much easier than actually getting up and doing things about it, even if it solves nothing.
it can also be willful ignorance. not everyone wants to be saved from their misery. not everyone wants to acknowledge their responsibility for their own emotional well-being, either. it depends on the person.


*all "you"s are to be taken in the general sense, not the personal "im-pointing-at-you" sense.
**i suspect this has something to do with advertising. of course it wouldnt be in the cosmetics industry's best interest to tell you you're fine the way you are, or how you choose to be...the more insecurity, the more profit for them!

[Dea]

I agree with that, the change must be in the head of the person, but the environment is an important factor too. If somebody is always stared, or laughed at, it will of cause effect the person.
,
For example I thought that I do not deserve to find someone who loves me because I am so ugly. It took me years to get over that. And it was a change in the environment that started the change in my thinking.

And I realised there are a lot of people who try to escape there own problems by pointing to someone else and make them object of the attention because if people look in that direction they do not look towards them.