Date Posted: 29th Jun 2010 at 12:29 AM
As many of you noticed, I came back and started trolling around the forums again. Officially, I resumed stuff here one the first of the month when Ambitions came out, but I had actually resumed working on mods and such for a little more than a week before that (I just didn't make my presence know because I knew Ambitions was coming out and didn't want to get anyone's hopes up about my work because I knew the patches were gonna screw things up royally for my work (which it did)).
I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who sent me words of encouragement during my pre-life crisis (you don't really have a life before you have a career, right?); so thank you everyone, you words showed me that you can get support anywhere, for almost any problem, from anonymous people all across the web (also, they brightened up my stress-fueled depression days).
So, now some of may be wondering what was the result of my long leave to ponder out what I am going to make of my life... Well, it's not all good news , but its all for the better: 1) I failed most of my classes, 2) I won't be getting a Bachelor's of Arts degree, 3) I found out I was unhappy with the career choices I had previously though I wanted.
Some of you may have read all that and thought 'dude, that sucks, sorry,' but as I said it's all for the better; so to help clarify, I will tell a little more about my background. I started college at a community college in my hometown where I earned an Associates degree in social sciences. Then I transferred to U.C. Santa Barbara as a physics major of all things (which has no connection to my social sciences degree) because I always loved physics in H.S. and found the math involved to challenging enough to hold my attention (being bored in H.S. was always a problem for me because I was at the top of my class (graduated 40th in my class of approx.900) and slept in class and still got A's. But I found out the math was too challenging, and was forced to switch majors after only one term. So I switched my major to Medieval Studies, B.A. (yes, it's a real major) so I could study swords, armor, siege weaponry, and read fun stuff (anyone else get to read Beowulf and Lancelot and get college credit for it?). But then the $*!t hit the proverbial fan, actually an entire year before my complaints in my previous entry, I somehow (either adult on-set, or a sudden breaking of previous control behaviors) wound up with severe-clinical Inattentive type AD/HD--which means that I have the attention span of a well trained hummingbird*. (On a side note, if there's ever something in one of my posts where I say 'I will respond later' or something to that effect, and I never respond... well there's your reason.) So that essentially set me back 2 terms of college. Then after those 2 terms came summer break where I found Sims3 and modding and fell in love with pretty much all aspects of modding (if you've seen me trolling, then you know this 'cause I lurk in almost every section of the Sims3 modding discussion forums). Also during this summer, I suffered a neck injury while working on my car. Then during the fall term at college (I go to a college with 3 regular terms: fall, winter, and spring), I further injure my neck helping my uncle move and then again moving back to my apartment for the term; so the now severe (11mm bulge in a cartilage disk in the c-spine) neck injury kills a third term--my neck's mostly all better now for those concerned about my health (except I can never again go on a roller-coaster, which sux 'cause I love going to Six-Flags). So, I was behind three terms which brings us up to part of the causes of my previous entry.
Now you know the circumstances of the stress I was experiencing in February: I was heading towards a B.A. Degree in Medieval Studies, was behind 3 terms, and was trying to figure out what to do with such a degree, if I ever got one. My original plan (including while I still a physics major) was to go into teaching, but it became apparent to me that that wasn't going to work because I'm an introvert and hate being in-front-of too many people. So what else could one do with a Medieval Studies degree: plan B involved becoming a guidance/career councilor at a college and plan C was to become librarian (after all, one of the things that brings me joy in life is helping people learn--thus my attraction to MtS
). But even after setting out a plan towards those ends, I was still severely stressed, and highly unmotivated in my classes. And then (through one of those classes I had decided to take towards becoming a college guidance councilor) I learned why. This class was about making career choices/enabling others to make career choices; part of it involved finding alternatives to the career path you were already on. So, I picked videogame design and writing (two of my 'hobbies'), and that's when everything came together and fell apart at the same time. Almost entirely at once I found out that I was dissatisfied by the schooling system I was in (constant regurgitation of useless information to be judged on arbitrary measures by often emotionless figureheads (some may call them teachers/professors) without any indication of actual learning) and dissatisfied with my career path looking forward. So, from that class on, I decided that I would rather focus my efforts towards something that I actually enjoy doing (writing! and videogames!) rather than exert myself spending time in, and money on, to become part of, a system that I hold in disdain.
So there you have it, my whole story thus far. Some may not realize how hard it is trying to succeed in a system that you hate and can't currently change--there's no telling what I could do in the future, working towards something you no longer want or need; but for me it was no longer worth the effort. So I failed classes, accrued loads of debt, won't be coming back to this college after the summer, and won't be getting that B.A. degree; but it was all worth it just for that one class. That class showed me that I could turn something that made me happy as a hobby into a viable career; I only wish I could have taken it sooner.
After all that, if you are still reading my sob-story, you are probably wondering WTH I'm gonna do with my life from here. The best answer I can give right now: I'm gonna do the fun part. That will probably involve some part-time jobs while I restart college with videogame design/programming at heart. I will also probably spend some of my spare time writing a novel or short-form fiction. But for most of my spare time, I'm going to be here, modding it up with all of you; because what better for a career in videogames, than some practical knowledge, eh?