That is two stories, and I have heard so many stories to contradict that. Some stories about kids being swapped at the hospital without knowing and grows up in a family they don't feel home in. It was hard for them. Frankly people are different and if it works for you that's fine for you, but it may be a tragedy for someone else. Lots of people grow up in disconnected families in ruins and search for something others just can't begin to understand. The only thing they need is the chance to find out who they are, and not the money. If you can't handle sperm or egg donor kids coming at your door, don't donate.

Yes, but what about all those people who go home with their biological parents and grow up in a family they don't feel home in? For example, people who are gay, but whose parents are homophobic. Victims of incest? Victims of violence?

I cannot believe that it matters whether your parents are your biological parents. What matters is whether they love and accept you.

Technically, they are deadbeat parents, they pulled their trousers up and walked away like they had nothing to do with it.
Anyway, I find it rather ironic that everyone says it's not important how that baby came into being, and it doesn't need to know who the donor was yet there are sites dedicated to finding siblings from the same donors. They are so eager to get that semen sample that they wave away all their and their children's rights and give no thought to the future.

I apologize for my last post, this one is much less flame-y.



Wrong, they would only be deadbeat parents if they had legal custody of the child and they failed those legal/moral duties.



Well, that's kind of generalizing, isn't it? Not every adopted/IVF child may want to know who their parents are, I know a woman who doesn't know her father and says she would walk to the end of the earth to avoid the man. Also, how are you taking away the child's rights by not telling them who the bio parent is? They were never promised to know who their bio parents are, same as children who were adopted from orphanages. (And, remember, sperm and egg donors have rights too.) I would think they would appreciate the gift of life more, no?

Please explain why children have a right to know who their biological parents are.

So, guys who refuse to asume paternity for a child are model citizens just because they are not yet the legal parent? As for your friend, what can I say, it appears to me like there's a lot of hatred wasted on a man she has never met and knows nothing about. That's not a very healthy attitude to have.

Well, why not? You hate genetic donors for being what they are. It appears to me like there's a lot of hatred wasted on people you have never met and know nothing about. That's not a very healthy attitude to have.

(Also, could someone quote me? I think crocobaura has me on ignore)

Firstly, yes. Yes, I do. I think a man that donates sperm so a family that otherwise wouldn't be able to naturally have their own child is the type of selfless I would like to see more often in this world. Secondly, my friend that I used as an example has every right to have distain for her father as he abandoned her mother and herself when it was not a case of adoption/sperm donation.



@Crocobaura I like how you so elegantly avoided this question

Crocobaura, do you have any idea just how narrow and negative your world views and concepts of human nature are, or at least how they come across? I can only guess you've had a lot of disappointments and tragedies in your life to be so incredibly cynical. Thing is, I know a LOT of people who've had a very rough go of life, yet most somehow manage to retain some optimism and positivity. Sad that you have not.

Most of that donated sperm goes to single women who can't be bothered to have a man in their life. That in itself is an alarm sign. Secondly, your friend, according to everyone's opinion here, should be happy that her father gave her the gift of life and require nothing more from him. He, by all signs, appears to be nothing more than a sperm donor. She shouldn't need him and not hate him. She probably learnt to hate him from her mother.

First of all, it's really sexist to say that there's something wrong with a woman that doesn't have a man in her life. How dare you even imply that? Also, sperm donations go to so many other people than just single women who don't have a husband, and so what if it did? Of course being single isn't the ideal, but we can only take what we're given in life.



Except for the not-so insignificant fact he wasn't a sperm donor. He was in a real relationship with a woman who got (unexpectedly) pregnant, unlike donating sperm, he wasn't helping them, he was abandoning them.



I am seriously not even going to dignify that with trying to convince you you're wrong. You're like cold coffee, and you want to know why? Because you're icy and bitter.

It's not sexism. The man in her life shouldn't necessarily be there for her but for the baby.



What is the difference? Just because you're having sex doesn't mean that you want children. Besides, most donors are motivated financially, not by the desire to help.




I'm not the one hating on a guy I never met and know nothing about so please don't call me bitter.

That's the second deleted post in this thread in as many days, so I'm going to make a point of order here. I understand that for a lot of people involved in this debate, the issues that are being discussed are very important, and sometimes very personal. However, you are debating, not evangelising. Everyone in this thread has every right to be wrong and/or disagreeable for as long as they like. If you feel that you've put forward all your arguments and haven't prevailed, and if you find yourself getting frustrated enough to want to throw insults, please step back from the discussion. One fact that I learnt from many years of debating gay rights on the internet is that most debates do not end with either side changing their mind, and that's often ok.

So men only exist to make children and care for them while completely ignoring the emotional needs of the mother?
Your posts on this thread just aren't making any sense.

@Crocobaura



You know what guys, I give up. This type of thing is far beyond my level of comprehension... If anybody wants to make a counter-point to Crocobaura's above remarks please, be my guest. I was going to write a really long defensive post about the whole ordeal but, I'm too exasperated...

I know exactly how you feel BlakeS. My head is ready to explode from the extreme lack of sense (not exactly the way I wanted to say that, but I didn't want my post to get deleted) in a certain someone's posts.

Really the only thing left for me to say it that I really hate narrow mindedness; and the person I mentioned above has shown a LOT of it.

Nevermind, I lied. I just got too worked up to stay quiet.



No, that's wrong. A man that tries to conceive with a woman (typically) is in love with her and is not stealing her baby or something. It's the freaking mother of his child we're talking about.



No, that's wrong. Because when you're in a relationship with somebody that loves you enough to let you do the most intimate things to their body it isn't okay to leave just because a baby wasn't planned. Also, you only get paid like $40 for sperm, so no, unless you donate all the time you're not getting rich off of it.



Again, that's wrong. She is allowed to feel however she wants about her own father, and she doesn't hate him, I never said that. That's your word not mine, stop putting words in my mouth. I simply said she would avoid seeing him, because she doesn't want to.

So, there you go. You're wrong and everything you said is wrong.

I can't say what I really would like to say, as this is an interesting topic, and I don't want the thread to get locked.

What I will say is: It doesn't matter if a baby is born through IVF, a surrogate, adopted, born to a hetero couple or to a gay couple, single mother, or just found under a cabbage leaf. Babies who are born this way are just as much a part of the world, as any other. What matters is the love the receive, and how they are brought up, and if they have two mommies, or one, or don't find their parents until they are adopted by them when they are 12 years old, doesn't make a lick of difference. Is it selfish to love a child? To hope that they have a good future? To give everything you have, whether physically, emotionally or financially, to see that they are loved and protected? No. What is selfish, is generalizing people as deadbeats, unfit parents, or just plain money-grubbing whores who can't keep their pants on just because the want/have a baby. Are their people such as that out there? Of course. But for every example of that type of person, I can show you three more of the opposite. (Guess what, most of them are not hetero. And their children do not suffer from it.)

Now, as to the original questions posed: Yes, I do think donors should be able to remain anon, if that is there choice. As has been said already, clinics and such who deal with them have a huge vetting process, people are screened thoroughly. And NO, medical reports do not lie. Have an alchohol problem, but don't disclose it? It shows up. Have a recessive gene that can potentially pass on a genetic condition? It shows up.

There are, however also options for some. Say you have a surrogate parent who brings the new child to term. They have to sign an agreement, legally binding, which states what, if any, say they will have in that child's upbringing. Some choose to be a part, and some choose to be apart. That is between them, and no one else. Some also stay aware of the child but from afar, receiving pictures and updates. But again, that is between the people involved, and no one else.

If a woman wants to have a baby, she can have one. She does not need a man in her life. What an outdated idea that is. Is this 2013 or 1913?

Or women whose husbands are infertile/have genetic diseases they don't want to pass on/are lesbians.

And why, exactly, is not wanting a man in your life an alarm sign? Maybe she knows plenty of guys, but none of them are the right match for her. Maybe she's an asexual who doesn't want the hassle of a romantic relationship. You don't know the life stories of all women who want sperm donations. And also, sperm donations aren't the only ones that exist.



Y'know, there's probably a reason he and the mom aren't together anymore. That could be the reason she hates him; he could have financially leeched off of her mom, cheated on her, ate her bunnies, or all of the above. The good thing about sperm donation is that the guy involved has done nothing to the mom, so there's no reason to hate the guy.



Oh, so she has to be in a relationship with a man who's only there because he feels dutybound because of the baby. And if she's not in a relationship with the guy, that means there's something wrong with her. Really seeing the sexism here.



Because, of course, you personally know the life stories of all donors and can determine why most of them donate.



No, you're hating on all men who donate. So you're hating on a lot of guys you never met and know nothing about, so yes I'm going to call you bitter.

Still haven't answered the question of why children have the right to know who their bioparents are. Or why children have the right to override the rights of everyone connected to them.

The mother obviously has no need for a man in her life apart for his sperm. If she did we wouldn't be discussing this topic now, would we?

Exactly! Glad you understand. Except that she doesn't even need a guy in her life to get sperm, due to sperm banks. That way, people don't have to trick others into relationships with them in order to get babies.

Wow! I live down the road from a lesbian couple. They wanted a child, couldn't decide who should have it so they both did with the help from a friend. He does not and still does not want kids. They have all agreed when the littuns are older to tell them the truth.

Up the other way is a gay couple who have kids. All three with the same woman (who is married with kiids of her own btw). At no point do they plan to hide anything but also they respect the privacy of the wonderful lady who did this for them.

Now, as to kids being able to find their biological parent, there is a show on MTV called crygen x. Some girl decided to look for her donor and eventually found him and 14 other half siblings. Her donor and her email but no plans to meet. Sometimes donors want to do just that much for others, donate and nothing more.

1. I think donors should be allowed to stay anonymous if they so desire and sign paperwork to make their wishes known.
2. I have seen a couple of episodes of Generation Cryo and greatly dislike it.
3. Broken families are statistically less likely to be successful.

--Ocram