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Mad Poster
Original Poster
#1 Old 6th Jul 2015 at 4:18 AM Last edited by PANDAQUEEN : 6th Sep 2015 at 10:53 AM.
Default Gossamer's Mental Descendant.
Gossamer's Mental Descendant

*this is semi-autobiographical*

I have been hailed by many as a Renaissance woman. I am skilled in the arts, can speak more than 5 languages, can cook, can operate a computer and had done so since the age of 3. I even have bargain hunting skills.

But even if I have these skills, it can't make up for the fact I am scared of people.

If you ever watched that one Bugs Bunny cartoon with the orange monster wearing Converse high tops running away screaming because there were people in the audience, that monster is Gossamer, who I mentally resemble.

My people skills are...lacking. It's possible my mother instilled shyness at a young age for some reason.

But with everyone in my family comparing me to Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, I must point out I am not inept and that I am aware of the gravity of a restraining order as I have 0 restraining orders for real after signing an agreement to not bother a student, which this expired when I started 10th grade in Monroe, Washington. After moving numerous times, bullied for my differences and my illnesses, my question is why I didn't commit suicide years earlier. Actually I attempted suicide twice, one at 14 and one at 22. I chickened out in the end for both. Even after rigorous detoxes from one medicine to another, I am more even-tempered...

...but I still have that insane fear of people.

I have been pondering the fact that my kindness and gentle nature makes me this timid virgin in a white cotton dress with tears, stains and patches shown as the battle scars of social interactions with people outside my house.

But in any case, I guess living life one day at a time is my only choice.

I recently reunited with a man I was in requited love with. He's older than my mother, but he's a general practitioner at a clinic for women's health. He has my best interest at heart. He's strong, blond and has a bit of color to his skin. I have red hair, (all the more reason Gossamer is the reason I relate this story to you) can't carry milk jugs when full and I'm incredibly pale that I burn.

He recently rescued me from the hospital after I collapsed from dehydration at the mall. The fact I was in a crowded mall, without proper hydration and the fact I owe 50ยข to the frozen yogurt shop for a bottle of water...I am not happy that every time I try to integrate with society, I fail.

In recent months, I had come to the conclusion that my fear of people is actually a fear of heartbreak. My first date in 10 years was actually a hookup and the way the encounter ended told me that it was a one time thing, when I tried carrying on a long distance relationship, it didn't work out and more recently, the guy I was seeing was looking to cheat with me as his thing on the side. I have rotten luck with dating.

In any case, I still feel awful. My parents used to try to push me out the door. However, they made peace with the fact that I am going at the pace of the tortoise "Slow and steady wins the race"

Personal Quote: "I like my men like my sodas: tall boys." (Zevia has both 12 and 16 oz options)

(P.S. I'm about 5' (150cm) in height and easily scared)
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