I don't agree with what your friend said at all. Self harm is not an attention thing, not a majority of the time anyway. Yes, there will be some people out there who do it as a possible cry for help so in that case it may be classed as an attention thing.

This a subject close to my heart as since I was about 13 years old I have had trouble with my emotions, hormones and chemical imbalancements.

When I was 18 years old I took two overdoses, cut my wrists and pulled a chunk of my hair out all at seperate times. I went off the rails after my first boyfriend dumped me without a reason, only a text message to say he couldn't do it anymore. Over the next few months I was drinking heavily, and always saw him as we shared the same friends. I would see him with other girls dangling off his neck while we were in the pub, and he refused to speak to me until he was drunk and would then drag me back to his house using me for sex. He played with my emotions to the max, knowing he had me around his little finger.

I then didn't see him as much and began going out with other friends and I am ashamed to admit I slept with his best friend and a few other people over the space of 3 months. One night my head just flipped out as I took a look at my life and the person I had become, and I came home from clubbing and took an overdose. I spent the night in the hospital having blood taken and having to drink that disgusting liquid to netrulize the effects of the pain killers. I was a complete mess, and the overdose was not an attention thing, I just honestly thought at the time I could no longer handle life and the name I had gotten for myself. I was the same on and off for the next few months, until finally getting better when I lost all contact with my ex and our old group of freinds. I made new friends, one being my current best friend, who practically saved me from myself.

But after having my daughter a year ago, I got very, very bad post natal depression which lead to me being put on anti-depressants. I began drinking heavily about 3 times a week, trying to make myself not feel these emotions as the depression was reminding me of how I had felt 4 years ago and I never wanted to feel like that again.

Now I have cut the drinking right back, drinking only a glass or two of wine on a saturday night. This has helped me almost 100%, I am still on anti-depressants as I don't feel ready to come off them for good just yet, I've tried and without them I have no motivation and get upset quite easily.

Telling you my expierence with self harm in short sums up to this;

It is not always an attention thing, people who think it is ok to put people down who get these feelings should button it because they quite clearly know nothing about it. There is nothing worse when you have depression then hearing people telling you to "Get over it" or "stop being an attention seeker" because think about, do you really think we enjoy feeling this way? I would give nothing more then to feel normal and happy 24/7 after going through all this in my life...but most of the time for myself and others like me, there is nothing we can do about it through no fault of our own!

Don't deceive yourself into thinking this is a behavior limited to whiny self-indulgent Americans. We don't hear about people in poverty-stricken or war-torn countries because a.) they don't go to therapists to talk about their problems, and b.) they don't get onto the internet to talk about their problems. If anyone were concerned enough about discovering rates of depression and/or self-destructive behaviors among these people enough to do studies and surveys, you'll find them. Maybe they can't afford alcohol - but they'll indulge in some possibly more dangerous substance that's locally available. Maybe they don't have fashionable razor blades - but they'll tear at nails, pick at scabs, pull out hair, eyebrows, eyelashes. Neglecting your house and kids won't be as obvious a symptom of depression when you live in a dirt floor shack with no plumbing, and all the kids in the neighborhood run around dirty and naked. So don't think it's just an attention-getting ploy. How it's done and how much it shows depends on the culture. It's always there, just in a different form.

and what about earrings, piercings, and for that matter Cosmetic Surgery? that's self mulaltion.

or eating at Burger king? Obesity is self destructive... isn't it?

Hell caffiene is a mind altering drug right?

if your friend had her way we'd all be locked up and unable to Do ANYTHING because it might cause us some form of Harm...

I say lets take a moment and be thankful that your friend does not in fact Rule the World, but then I remember hat there are lobbiests out there already going towards this goal.

I read that as her friend saying that self harm is acceptabe because everyone does it to some degree, not that no one should do anything that harms them in any way!

I self harmed myself in that time where my father had strokes. He suffers now from severe dementia and there is no hope for him (he is in this state since 8 years). I didn't accept this for a long time, neither did my mum. I had to take care of her and was the one that had to tell her, that her husband can't help her anymore and that she has to have the strenght to accept that. In that time I suffered on depressions and self harmed myself by scratching my arms.
I can't say if I did this for attention. I can't say why I was so weak to do this - now the scratches are visible at my arms and I had problems to wear short T-shirts. But now I accept, that I was (and somehow are, because caring for a person with dementia isn't easy) in a very vicious situation. Everyone who want to judge me, for what I have done to myself, should be first in such a situation. I am grown up with this (this sounds sad, I know) and what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, but the scratches will always remind me of it and that's very sad.

Think of it this way - it's not a reminder of bad times, it's a lesson for the rest of your life. Anytime you're feeling down, tired, stressed out, anytime you get into troubles, looking at those scars should remind you that you've been through worse things and you survived. Exactly as you wrote, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

hopefully theyll also serve to remind you just why you dont want to repeat your past mistakes.
at least, thats the case with me. whenever im feeling particularly bummed, it serves as a reminder of what happened last time, and what i want to avoid.

@Oprah and SuicidiaParasidia
That's a very good point. Thank you both.

I used to self cut. But that was a long time ago. I had a lot of stuff happen to me as a child and I would have flash backs. Cutting my self at the time help me get through it. I know that it sounds stupid by I have seen and talked to someone and told me for what I had been through is it commen. But I never once showed anyone what I did. Now That it has been a very long time since I did it I look back and wish I would have talked to someone sooner. But my scars remind me of the worst part of my life and that if I could get through that then I can get through anything. Of course people still stare at it and some people ask me about it and well that is something I have to live with. But I know who I am and that is all that matters to me.

Well this is a subject that affects my life but not in the way the OP says. I think at her school it was deemed to be cool in some way to be doing this, and I do think a lot of it was attention seeking and trying to fit in with the corwd. People who self harm due to mental illness, don't usually advertise it and normally do it in private.

I have an autistic son of almost 21, he self harms all the time. He is at present in a medical assessment centre for special neeeds people and is being assessed to see if there's anything we can do to reduce this. he hits his head off walls, to the point of actually putting his head through them. So I'm an expert plasterer now. I've seen him with blood running down his face and hands torn by punching light sockets. Now that's self harm, not just giving yourself a little cut on your arm for attention.

He did it as a baby in his cot, banging his head against the rails. So after 21 years of dealing with this I know the difference. There are times that I know my son is doing something just to get me to give in to him and give him what he wants, I never have but being Autistic he doesn't understand that and hopes that he will win the battle of wits, he won't. There are other times though when my heart bleeds for him when he loses control and can't stop himself. His fingers are disfigured with biting them too.

So basically sum up without going into my sons problems even more, I'd say that a high percentage of self abuse is attention seeking, there is another percentage that do it as a reaction to their own low opinion or hatred of themselves, like people with body dismorphication (spelled wrong).

Smoking, yes, I'm usually a 20 a day smoker and yesterday I realsised I had gone through 40 in one day. That is self harm, smoking IS self harm and as someone who has been smoking for 34 years now I know it. I know the damage it's doing to me, I know the harm it does, so yes, it is self harm.

Alcohol, well the majority of people drink in moderation. I drink about 3 to 4 drinks maximum in a month, I have drank more regular in the past. That IS NOT self harm. But someone who downs a bottle or two of vodka or something every day, YES that IS self harm. My mother was an alcoholic when I was younger and I can assure you she would agree with me on that, while she drank she was on a total self destruct path. Luckily she stopped 26 years ago or thereabouts, but she still would say it was self harm, and I think she did it for attention too as she stopped so easily, but who knows.

Sadly we all know people in our lives who abuse themselves in one way or another, be it with drugs, self inflicted wounds, alcohol, or the roulette wheel of having too many partners. Who can truly say they never harmed themselves in their life though? I do it, I've done worse as a teenager and young adult, I did drugs. There were easons for it that I didn't see at the time but I do now. No I didn't do anything excessive like Heroin, more prescription stuff and things I won't go into. The majority of people who I know in my life now, would never suspect for one minute I had ever done anything like that, though I still have some of the same friends I had when I was 18 and they know most of it. Was it all for attention? Well i think there's a differnece between attention and a cry for help. I do believe a lot of people are crying out for someone to see how hurt they are inside and I DO think that was the case with me, I probably wanted someone to notice the anguish I was going through in my life.

Really, is your friend as pure as the driven snow? Or does she just judge other people so that she doesn't have to face her own issues? Humans are reckless by nature, trust me, there will be some area in her life where she damages herself. Does she drive? You could always say she's self harming by sitting in a car with all those carbon monoxide fumes from the exhaust, or the pollution she's putting into the air we all breathe.

Tell her that she is not the authority on all things and to come down off her high horse. Could it be perhaps that she judges other people in an attempt to bury her own insecurities?

Nobody can even hazard a guess at what is going through someone's mind when they are self harning and although I've given opinions here, they would vary from case to case. It can't really be generalised, so your friend is wrong in trying to generalise it like that.

there should be something with the subject of self harm in sims 2

Now why would we want our Sims autonomously killing themselves? That would take the fun out of removing the ladder.

No, there shouldn't.


Edited to add: Threadromany! Seriously, reviving a thread that's 6 months old to post that?

I started cutting, I have scars all over my left arm. I've tried to stop but I've gotten to the point where one way or another, I
feel like I'm gonna die if i don't lose some blood. Not to mention that when I get angry, all I do is start biting my hands,
arms, etc. I heard that what the best thin to do is to tell someone you really love, get there reaction, and get them to help
you through. Didn't go so well. Only made it worse. Even though I promised to stop. I couldn't keep it. Couldn't keep it. I think that's what some people don't understand, sometimes you can't stop.


I'm the first to admit I'm a total nutcase. But if you have a friend who does things to themselves, don't freak out. don't go
grabing there arm and making a spectacle of them. If you really love that person, you'll understand how they feel inside.
that there is nowhere to turn, so they turn to - drugs, alcohol, cutting, even excessive dieting, to deal - (in my case) not
to solve them, but deal with problems. Because we feel like if we tell someone, they might reject me. Or my parents would
just get stricter, and more intrusive (which in my case was the truth).


I know that for me, I just wish someone would show me that they have a open heart and that no matter, they'll always love
me. A lot of people say it, but do they mean it? I think in a lot of cases no. because they think you're a freak.
I know with me the hardest thing was accepting that I needed someone else. Then I made the horrid mistake of getting my
hopes up. And well, if I hadn't been a moron and gotten my hopes up, I would have felt less pain.

And one last thing, never talk to the distressed person like you're perfect. Admit when you have issues you need to solve in your life. Or habits that may not be so great. Especially when they've called you out on yours before.

Or letting them run with scissors (I really need to download that item again...)!

Theres some very interesting reseach about pollution, chemicals from plastics, etc relation to an increase of mental ilnesses. Its in a book, havent looked up the original sources yet, but it do would explain the increased amount of people who are fucked up some way or another. Most illnesses have always been around in some way, but they do seem to have become more frequent.

Don't refer to people with mental illnesses as "fucked up". It's rude and ignorant.

That was not the intention, excuse to those who feel offended.

I have a mental/physical illness myself, no harm meant.

love and understanding are completely different concepts, you realize this?

my mother loves me dearly. but does she understand me? not a whit.
see where im going with this? expecting understanding is like expecting help when youre down; hardly guaranteed.

or like saying, " if you really love me, youll have sex with me ".

no singular act or want can accurately attest someones measure of affection for you or anybody else.

I think if you love someone you're more likely to be understanding, but you can only fully understand if you've been there.

I kinda meant more that they'll understand you. Like, knows you. that's what I meant. Hope that clarifies a bit.

It is all liberal nonsense, everyone has the right to play Russian Roulette with as many rounds in the chamber as they choose taking as many pulls as they want, go nuts seriously. It only becomes an issue when your conduct puts another person in harms way, for example drinking and driving. IMHO i would not have a problem with drunk driving provided of course there was a way to protect the sober, non texting, cell pnone off users from the other irresponsible element. Possibly a special set of lanes for those folks where a bulldozer comes by every hour pushing the flaming wrecks off to the side of the road, oh and no EMS service for wrecks in that lane. If you get caught out of those lanes driving drunk the officer just pulls out thier gun and shoots you on the spot leaving your body to rot or be collected by family.

It does not work that way though usually it is the responsible individual driving home from where ever who gets killed by the drunk, in a sense the drunk aka russian roulette player has put the gun to the side of someone elses head, not informed them of the game and pulled the trigger. What someone does in the privacy of thier home is thier bussiness, if that is cutting, drinking, drugs what ever i just consider that natural selection in action. In a perfect world those people are naturally selected from the gene pool before they can reproduce thier stupidity back in, but this is not a perfect world. So tell your friend to STFU and mind her own bussiness unless someone makes it her bussiness by involving her she has no say, Liberal pansy.

Asai

Self cutting has been a problem with me since I was in middle school. I was always pressured to be the 'good girl' and the 'teachers pet'. Pretty much I was expected to do everything for everybody that needed something done. And now, five or six years later, I still feel the need to self cut.

My boyfriend doesn't understand that it is an actuall 'need' for me and not just a 'want', that it is a stress reliever for me the same way cigarrettes or alchohol is for him. But for the longest time it was the only thing that kept me from going completely insane, not only from school, but family problems, the effects of my mother's untimely death, and feelings of complete worthlessness. It seemed like before I would cut myself my world was crashing down around me, but after I felt the blade (or whatever I could find availiable at the moment) go through my skin and see the blood, the whole world and the problems that came with it seemed to disappear.

In an earlier post by lovetadraw (sorry, I do not know how to do the quote thing here) it was said to tell a loved one of the problem. I found that it actually can help and make a person feel more understood. In my case, I told my father and found out that he also was a cutter. I guess it just kinda runs in my family along with depression. The only thing that worries me about that is that my future children will be cutters and have to live with the scars and shadows of their manner of 'stress relief' the same as I do.

My opinions on self harm are mixed. Whilst I understand that some people have serious problems and depression, some people just do it for attention.

Its normally easy to tell whether its for attention though.

Yeah, once started hard to stop.

Telling a loved one? Only makes them think you're insane.