If you get Seasons, you realise we'll all be eagerly awaiting the first patented Scumthorpe Industries Freeze-a-Death-a-tron Chamber, or somesuch creative evil, right?
MinghamSmith: 11th Nov 2012, 05:03 PM Unfortunately, that'll have to wait a bit longer than I'd like, given that I'm British and don't get Seasons until the 16th. But don't worry, I'm sure there'll be something Seasons-related in the near future unless updating everything to patch 1.42 next week causes my game to implode. If it's not something like Darius Scumthorpe horribly misusing the new weather machine and cloud launcher to screw over his dad like a second-rate Mr Freeze, it'll be a new family that's a remake of my favourite TS2 household.
What was that household, you might ask?
Professor Assprobe's Alien Baby Breeding Facility.
No further explanation required.
Anyway, new content:
Last post, I mentioned that the triplets had recently ceased to be babies. Let's see how they all turned out!
...Huh. That's a very alternative look for a first-grader.
Currently, Carrie's traits are Evil, Insane and Grumpy, most likely due to having been stuffed in the oven by Sprog on numerous occasions during the first few years of her life. She's enemies with Sprog and most of the adults in the house apart from Judas, has a neutral relationship value with her other two siblings at best and had never actually left the grounds of Stately Scum Manor at all until earlier today, with the sole exception of being ditched in a field overnight once as a toddler so Larry wouldn't have to listen to her crying.
It's therefore somewhat fitting that she's the only one of the triplets to end up with an Imaginary Friend. She named it Throatslasher, after what she'd dearly love to do to Sprog one day. "Mr Stabby" was also strongly considered as a possible name. The default name "Cuddles," however, was rejected immediately on the grounds that she probably doesn't even know what that means.
Lolita, meanwhile, is now so profoundly, ludicrously identical to the '60s TV version of Wednesday Addams it's hilarious. I mean, look at her. Even the personality fits- much like the original Wednesday Addams, Lolita Scumthorpe tends to go through life cheerfully oblivious to how utterly bizarre her family is and has basically no idea how outrageous everything they say and do looks to normal people. Her traits are Evil, Excitable and Easily Impressed, though Evil is really only there because it's a hallmark of the family. Overall, she's pretty innocent and ultimately harmless.
...Well, mostly harmless. She's still a Scumthorpe.
But wait, where's Lester got to? He was the first of the triplets to be born, and also aged up before his sisters.
Where's everyone's favourite little Tiberium-addled mutant hiding-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH OH MY FUCKING GOD
...Yeah, THAT'S child Lester. By my calculations, he seems to become approximately 10 times more disturbing to look at and 50% less recognisably human every time he ages up. And no, that's not just a lighting effect. He always has that sickly grey tint to his skin, and he really is that frail and hunched-over. I guess that's what accidental exposure to toxic alien space rocks in the womb courtesy of your deranged industrialist father and his ethically-dubious mining corporation does to you. But still, my GOD.
After taking that screenshot, though, I remembered something: In TS3, the child stage is the first stage where sims can roll wishes or wants.
I glanced down at Lester's wish slots and the suggested actions coming up above them, and noticed this:
Apparently, his first ever wish was to watch his father die.
And frankly, I can't really blame him.
[email protected]: I friggin' love reading about the Scumthorpes. It's so entertaining, it's like the characters are in their own little worlds! I wonder how Sprog's gonna handle puberty. I mean, what're you gonna do with the attraction system making everyone go crazy over each other?
MinghamSmith: 11th Nov 2012, 06:33 PM Well, considering that my game appears to run solely on Murphy's Law I'm predicting that the attraction system will almost certainly cause at least one person to fall in horribly one-sided love with teenage Sprog once he ages up from a child. Possibly several people. Which will obviously end very, very badly for them.
On the other hand, said system may also be the only thing that'll ever get Rick Scumthorpe laid. Well, unless alien probing counts. But why on earth would the aliens want Scumthorpe DNA anywhere near the genepool of their new hybrid race? :P
[email protected] I still want to know how child Sprog got the Emperor of Evil glow. Watching the whole family reminds me of watching a car crash, you just can't look away.
MinghamSmith: 12th Nov 2012, 06:31 PM I think it was something to do with an earlier version of Twallan's Assassination mod, given that it primarily appeared when Sprog had recently shot people. Although that still doesn't account for it showing up around his own family members, especially since on Emperors of Evil it tends to appear when they're around non-evil sims and yet everyone in the main Scumthorpe household has the Evil trait.
...Ok, I admit, I really haven't a clue how he managed that.
Overall, the best thing to do here is probably to simply accept that Sprog has the power of madness on his side and just isn't bound by the laws of sim reality anymore. After all, even his traits let him do things that regular human beings shouldn't logically be capable of- he can inexplicably transform seeds into flame fruits and more or less survive indefinitely on them without access to a fridge due to having Pyromaniac as a hidden trait, for instance. Hell, when the curfew mod I used to use worked I once had him run away from home for three days straight and survive that way while culling the local population of pudding townies, with no ill effects at all.
Also, I just patched for Seasons. Something tells me my town is about to become even more of a trainwreck than usual.
[email protected]: Mingham. You should show everybody Arthur Friend. I don't know if they've seen him yet.
*cackles, then wanders off*
[email protected] ^^sdkghhgdkjsdg WHAT DO YOU KNOW D:
MinghamSmith: 14th Nov 2012, 03:40 PM Arthur Friend is the result of me attempting to create an evil Imaginary Friend turned real and his downtrodden, infallibly loyal minion/former owner after discovering there were no limits on what traits Imaginary Friends can have and finding the concept of a manipulative, villainous entity born from some poor sim child's brain so fundamentally unsettling that it more or less demanded to be made into a character.
It resulted in this:
In hindsight, it probably wasn't the most sensible simming decision I've ever made.
MinghamSmith: 16th Nov 2012, 07:05 PM
So I just installed Seasons.
And for some reason, Rick Scumthorpe rolled a want to gain a few Logic points when I loaded for the first time after patching despite usually being a drunken, douchey, anti-intellectual moron. Well, good for him, he could probably use them and it's always nice to see somebody wanting to improve their mind-
is that a wise idea Rick
you do realise what I just installed right
Somewhat surprisingly, he actually turned out to be either a natural astronomer or someone with the biggest case of beginner's luck ever, judging by the fact that he managed to discover a new star within less than an hour of using a perfectly ordinary telescope for the first time in his entire life.
Unfortunately, however, he quickly proved to be about as effective at naming astronomical objects as his family usually is at naming infants:
And so it came to pass that a once-majestic celestial body that lit the darkness of the cosmos countless millennia before the birth of our sun was forced to spend its dying days named after the most repulsive members of a race of hairless apes, forever stumbling about on a pale blue dot suspended in infinity.
Still, at least nothing seems to have gone unambiguously wrong so far-
I guess we all kind of saw this coming.
But still, it's only been four in-game hours since Seasons was added to this disaster of a town. What the HELL?
ATTENTION: HUMAN SUBJECT REQUIRED FOR MAJOR BIOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT
"...Dude, first contact. I knew I wasn't wasting my time with the X-Files in the '90s-"
"-Wait, what are you doing? Stop it! You don't want me!"
"I'm not probing material! I haven't even lost my virginity the usual way yet!"
And just in case you're in any doubt as to the implications of this momentous event, here's Rick's moodlet panel afterwards. When it expired, this new moodlet was automatically replaced by another one of... shall we say, growing significance?
MinghamSmith: 25th Nov 2012, 11:54 AM And now, a moment two sim days and years of questionable alien research in the making...
Rick Scumthorpe Gives Birth
We rejoin the Scumthorpes in the middle of a... heated debate over the long-term future of the family:
"Rick, to use one of your generation's more popular internet memes, Son, I am disappoint. Really, I am. You're approaching 30, you've been digging graves for a living for the past decade, and as far as I know you've never engaged in sexual activity with anyone whose name didn't end in .jpg! You haven't even fathered any bastards, let alone legitimate heirs! What kind of sorry excuse for a rich man's son doesn't even have a single illegitimate child he never sees? And that's not even getting into how much you've let yourself go in the last few months-"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'VE LET MYSELF GO
"Don't you dare try to go off on a tangent here, you cretinous puddle of inadequacy! Even the son I explicitly disowned is more successful than you! Remember Darius? Well, apparently Darius is now a multi-millionaire supervillain with three kids and a shapely blonde wife, despite his career path being one that can only end with James Bond coming up with a shitty one-liner and shooting him in the face! And he's not even your older brother!"
"So I see only one way in which you can still be useful to me, Rick: In the coming weeks, I'm going to look around the other side of the Atlantic for bankrupt aristocrats with impressive-sounding titles and questionable work ethics. I'm going to offer to solve their financial worries in the blink of an eye if their daughters will agree to marry into our family. And soon enough, you're going to be the father of lots and lots of little aristocratic Scumthorpe babies, regardless of your opinion on the matter. I'll make you say the wedding vows at gunpoint if I have to. You will successfully consumate the marriage, or you will die. It's all incredibly medieval, I know, but when you're in my position, what else can you do with an idiot son other than write him off as breeding stock?"
"...Is forcing people into an arranged marriage even legal in SimNation?"
"Technically only in Veronaville due to some obscure bylaw, but do I look like I give a damn? I am not dying without someone competent to take my place, and none of you could be trusted with even the tiniest fraction of my fortune! Spurgin? He couldn't direct traffic down a one-way street! You? I've seen squirming premature infants accomplish more impressive things than you! Sprog? My god, do you want to watch the whole world burn? And does Lester even qualify as a human being? In short, my only option left is to force a few grandchildren into existence, because every last one of my sons is a complete and total fuckup!"
"I mean, really, is there any way you could possibly be more of an embarassment to me?"
OH GOD MY ASS
< FOOTAGE OF ALIEN RECTAL BIRTH DELETED FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYONE'S SANITY >
"...Rick, explain. NOW."
"...I can't. I really, really can't."
And so Cryptosporidium Scumthorpe, Enslaver of Man came into the world.
His initial traits are Genius and Brave. Considering the people he lives with, he's going to need the latter.
Kathwynn quoted: I am sorry. I had too
Cryptosporidium is a genus of protozoans that can cause gastrointestinal illness with diarrhea in humans.
It's from Wikipedia, it could be wrong...
MinghamSmith: 25th Nov 2012, 03:09 PM Nope, that's entirely correct.
Which is why it was also the name of the protagonist in this game:
(Yes, probing is very much involved here too
MinghamSmith: 27th Nov 2012, 06:04 AM Carrie, wat r u doin
MinghamSmith: 29th Nov 2012, 12:15 PM And now, a few extra pictures before I move on to other Scumthorpe-related things:
Rick Scumthorpe Gives Birth: The Aftermath
Soon after Crypto Scumthorpe was born, news of Rick's surprise rectal pregnancy quickly reached the rest of the family and naturally became the big conversation topic of the moment. In the process, I reached two significant conclusions about this game:
A: Who says TS3 sims can't be expressive?
B: When you have a buttbaby, you seriously need to make sure you adequately explain what just occurred to any young children living with you at the time.
Because otherwise, this happens:
"Hey! Carrie! I-know-something-you-don't-know..."
"What is it now, Lolita?"
"I know where BABIES come from!"
"BABIES come from BUTTS. BOY BUTTS."
"Bull. Shit. How could you possibly know where babies really come from? We're 6! They don't even teach us that for another four years!"
"No, seriously, I was downstairs and I saw Rick screaming about his butt and looking like he was going to do butt things, but instead of doing butt things his butt had a baby! And it was green! And then dad started yelling at him for having a baby even though he wants grandkids, and then they called the butt doctor-"
WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK LOLITA
HAVE YOU BEEN BROWSING THE WEIRD BIT OF DEVIANTART AGAIN
And so two little girls came to believe that pregnancy is completely unpredictable and revolves entirely around men's buttocks.
And that green newborns are perfectly normal.
This... isn't going to help them develop healthy relationships later in life, is it?
MinghamSmith: 29th Nov 2012, 09:49 PM Don't worry, I'll get back to Judas soon enough- since the last post, he's been lounging around Stately Scum Manor living off Larry's fortune on account of everyone else being too afraid of him to raise any kind of objection to him being there. And zombie Honoria can still be found wandering around town and being a nuisance from time to time.
Apologies if some characters fall in and out of focus- it's an inevitable hazard of playing a large family, I guess. The Scumthorpes are spread out across four households, three branches of the family tree, and mostly hate each other, so they're unlikely to all appear at once in anything without someone winding up dead. Same applies to characters like Spurgin Scumthorpe the neckbeardy internet troll and Sid Scumthorpe- they're background characters at the moment.
(Although Sid will definitely get some time in the limelight when '70s/'80s/'90s Stuff comes out, if only so I can have him strutting around town wearing a literal leisure suit and pathetically trying to flirt with any woman who doesn't immediately cross the street and roll her eyes upon seeing him. It basically writes itself)
anifromid2 quoted: No way! Don't burn them alive! Demolish the house, add lines to the yard, put a crib at each end and play baby football.
MinghamSmith: 6th Dec 2012, 02:15 PM FYI, "baby football" sounds far, far worse when you're British. And considerably more literal:
...I know, I'm going to hell for this one, aren't I?
MinghamSmith: 6th Dec 2012, 07:50 PM Sometimes, Lester Scumthorpe's speech bubbles are wonderfully, hilariously fitting:
"...My god, that explains so, so much about my life."
MinghamSmith: 7th Dec 2012, 07:23 AM
A new object appears!
"Erm... sis, are we cooking meth in here now?"
"Christ's sake, Lester, go to bed..."
"...Yep, totally cooking meth."
(Don't worry, it isn't. But still, would you trust ANY of these people with toxic chemicals and Bunsen burners?)
MinghamSmith: 21st Dec 2012, 08:36 AM It's been a while, so here's another Scumthorpe post. Apparently, some of them can't even sleep without being ridiculous and creepy:
Do Scumthorpes Dream of Eclectic Shit?
A while back, I was controlling the Scumthorpe triplets and sent them all to bed late in the evening after a long day of playing videogames, being yelled at by Larry for no reason and (in Carrie's case) chatting to an imaginary man who lives in her brain and subsequently getting beaten up by Sprog for the millionth time that week. Having never tried it before, I used the dream interaction from Generations to see what would happen.
The results were... not encouraging, and most likely something that a child psychologist would want to look into in any sane, rational setting. Hell, these three put together could probably provide enough material for an entire conference on dysfunctional children by themselves.
Let's take Carrie's dreams, for instance:
OH GOD I'M 6 WHY DID I READ 50 SHADES OF GREY
CHICKEN MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER
Carrie's mind is... a confusing, frightening place, to say the least.
And meanwhile, Lolita seems to have recurring nightmares about Sprog.
...Frankly, I can't really blame the poor girl.
But at least neither of them have remotely similar dreams to poor Lester, who rapidly seems to be becoming the most morbid and nihilistic 6-year-old in the entirety of SimNation due to the constant frustration of being a shrivelled, frail little Tiberium mutant with barely-functional limbs, radioactive blood and in all likelihood a drastically shortened lifespan.
I mean, look at this stuff:
IN THE END, WE ALL BURN
WE ARE ALL BURIED
AND THEN WE ROT AND FADE FROM MEMORY
SUCH IS THE FATE OF ALL MANKIND
SWEET DREAMS, REAL-WORLD HUMANS
Godammit, Lester, why must you be such a creepy little bastard-
-Oh, I see, because there's a Lovecraftian horror lurking under your bed.
Never mind, carry on.
In other news, though, an update on Crypto the alien baby: He's now sitting up and crawling:
And generally being the most adorable thing ever to come out of a man's rectum.
And getting on brilliantly with his elementary-school-age half-aunt. Not the most normal family relationship one could have, but still...
MinghamSmith 27th Dec 2012, 02:59 PM
At the moment, I'm wondering what it says about me when the very first thought to cross my mind upon gaining control of an adult alien sim for the first time was "will the game let me successfully drop a meteor on somebody and kill them?"
Because that's exactly what happened a few weeks ago.
It turns out that yes, the game will let you do that. But because this is my absurd mess of a town, nothing significant can ever happen without some kind of baffling disaster occurring along the way. And thus began one of the greatest chain reactions of ridiculous autonomous sim moments I've ever seen.
Things began somewhat logically. I selected my alien, went into town and found a worthless game-generated pudding-faced townie to test this out on. Because let's face it, puddings don't count as people. Puddings are useless subhuman blobs that exist solely to be bashed into an acceptable shape via Master Controller or eternally tormented and killed for the amusement of the sim gods looking down from on high.
Puddings are clay, and we are the hands that mould or crush them. So sayeth myself.
SUFFER NOT A PUDDING TO LIVE
So the sky soon went dark, my alien hid in a toilet, nearby inactives and NPCs began to freak out and Indiana Jackass and Pudding McFashionSense here predictably abandoned all notions of self-preservation in favour of standing around to marvel at the multi-ton flaming lump of death plummeting through the atmosphere in their direction. Though at least the latter of the two managed to give a vaguely appropriate response to it:
"My word, what a fascinating natural phenomenon! Isn't space just awe-inspiring?"
"BRO WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE TOTALLY GONNA DIE"
After this point, though, everything rapidly went to hell.
First, half the objects on the lot all exploded in unison about two seconds after the initial meteor impact, leaving the ground permanently scorched and replacing most of the deckchairs around the pool with burnt-out piles of miscellaneous garbage. Most of them are still there. So, for that matter, is the meteor itself. Catastrophic property damage is a wonderful, wonderful thing.
I then sent my meteor-dropping mistress of destruction back over to inspect her handiwork, and-
...Wait a minute, who's that coming round the corner? What on earth is going on behind my alien? That's Mortimer Goth, surely he's not actually going to-
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MORTIMER GOTH
Yes, your eyes do not deceive you: As far as Mortimer Goth is concerned, the most appropriate response to witnessing a nearby meteor strike is apparently to wander right up to the smouldering crater and drop a newborn baby on the floor next to it so it can take in the lovely aroma of smoke, ashes and interstellar dust for the first time. Bugger safety, forget fire hazards, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for your little one! Trauma? What trauma?
Unfortunately, I was too busy laughing at this point to keep pressing the capture button, but within the next minute the following things also happened. And no, I am not exaggerating any of them:
- Death arrived for the crushed pudding, and the baby began screaming. And screaming, And screaming.
- Torrential rain began despite the weather having been sunny less than a minute ago. Baby is soaked and still screaming.
- Mortimer Goth inexplicably became singed and ran off home for a shower. Baby is abandoned, soaked and still screaming.
- Every NPC nearby got stuck panicking outside in the middle of the road. Baby is abandoned, soaked, soiling itself and still screaming.
- A nearby SimBot suddenly short-circuited. Baby is abandoned, soaked, soiling itself, still screaming and surrounded by sizzling scrap metal.
...I don't even need to say it, do I?
But wait, there's more! Because two catastrophic events occurred in my town that day. One involved a traumatised NPC floorbaby that I couldn't do anything about. The other? Well, it can best be described as an overlooked threat that's been on the horizon for a while...
...Because somebody's just had a birthday.
What? SPROG is evolving!
SPROG evolved into TEENSPROG
...Well, I guess that's it, then. We're doomed. We're utterly, utterly doomed.
Goodbye, world. It's been nice knowing you.
[email protected] Sprog looks like he was badly crossed Hannibal Lector and Norman Bates.. Where he picked up only the most psychotic sides of each.
MinghamSmith: 27th Dec 2012, 05:44 PM One of my greatest simming regrets is that nobody's ever made a Hannibal Lecter mask for TS3. I always wanted to have one for all ages and stick it on baby Sprog and child Sprog as well as his older forms. I'd have demanded one months ago if there wasn't a rule against requests.
...Then again, it's probably a good thing that rule's in place, otherwise I'd most likely spend an entire thread demanding ridiculous stuff like Bane masks for toddlers, sliders that pull the lips apart and thin them until the sim has permanently bared teeth and no lips at all and some kind of vampire fangs-esque accessory where all the teeth are long and sharp like Venom's spiky abomination of a mouth in Spiderman. And god knows what else.
What can I say? I like to get experimental with CAS. In a somewhat Frankenstein-esque sense a lot of the time, admittedly, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to push the limits of what the game can do. And occasionally outright violating the laws of sim reality for the sake of making inhuman creatures and bizarre characters that nobody expects to see.
minimogut quoted: Well, once again, Mingham has reduced me to a giggling wreck with his posts. Good show, sir. Good. Show.
I fear for all of Simnation, and it's various inhabitants. Of course, should Larry decide to set up an arranged marriage between Sprog and some poor woman, I fear more for the bride than anyone else. I feel that Larry wouldn't be above something like that...
MinghamSmith: 28th Dec 2012, 01:09 PM Oh, he isn't remotely above that. Soon he'll be doing exactly that with Rick, in a gender-inverted parody of the sort of social climber marriages that took place between rich American heiresses and bankrupt British aristocrats with impressive titles near the end of the nineteenth century. Most likely while holding Rick at gunpoint throughout the entire ceremony, because A: Larry is an atrocious human being and B: does anyone really expect him to be a competent matchmaker?
...He's already completely ruled out trying that with Sprog, though. Even Larry isn't that stupid.
MinghamSmith: 31st Dec 2012, 05:08 PM Since Sprog Scumthorpe can finally make use of Dexter the Bear now that he's reached his teenage years, I decided to have him pay a visit to one of the crappy game-generated households that spring up like weeds from time to time thanks to EA's Story Progression for the sole purpose of murdering everyone inside in order to keep the local pudding population down. Pest control, basically. Just standard procedure for Sprog, nothing at all out of the ordinary...
...Until he reached their doorbell, at which point he autonomously stripped down to his underpants, barged into the house with a gun and made this face:
And so 2012 came to an end with every sim in that household getting shot in the face or beaten to death with a claw hammer, a deeply disturbed young man wandering home mostly naked for no apparent reason and the first great teenage Sprog moment occurring.
Happy new year, everyone! :D
MinghamSmith: 6th Jan 2013, 03:04 AM Funny you should mention that, actually: Looking back through very old Scumthorpe pictures, I just found a horrifying coincidence:
Apparently, "clowns" was Sprog's first word as a baby.
And it wasn't spoken in tones of fear. Baby Sprog liked clowns.
From that moment on, I knew he was utterly, utterly beyond help...
MinghamSmith: 6th Jan 2013, 10:24 AM Even modding out the attraction system won't completely stop the gifting weirdness- it must be handled by a different system to attraction. At least, that's the only possible explanation I have for some mystery person repeatedly mailing copies of Evil Mr Gnome to Stately Scum Manor.
Unless the Scumthorpes are just that much of a magnet for all things terrible-
-Wait, what am I saying? Of course they are.
MinghamSmith: 10th Jan 2013, 04:18 PM
From time to time, Judas Scumthorpe will make this face.
It is the best face.
MinghamSmith: 22nd Jan 2013, 01:53 PM I decided to delete the Fireproof Homestead reward for everyone who previously had it... and then realised something.
Sprog can now start fires.
So I clicked on Sprog, selected "Burn Something Nearby" and watched as he...
...headed down into the wine cellar and set Judas's alchemy station on fire?
Ok, now I'm scared. He was nowhere near it when I told him to do that. He wasn't even on the same floor. And yet he still went out of his way to set fire to the one object in the house that A: would cause the most annoyance if reduced to a smouldering pile of ashes and B: would logically be the most likely to explode.
If he goes for the triplets' chemistry table next time, I'll KNOW that he's become self-aware.
[email protected] You know, you should have checked with the community first as to whether it would be advisable to delete the fireproof homestead reward first. We could have warned you it's a bad, bad idea when Sprog is around.
MinghamSmith: 22nd Jan 2013, 06:31 PM mittedly, the whole point of that was to enable Sprog's abilities resulting from the hidden Pyromaniac trait. If you have the Fireproof Homestead reward, it blocks those abilities from being used for some reason. Possibly a bug they never fixed.
It's also part of a general move on my part towards using mods to make the game harder. Like many people, I find that TS3 is often too safe, with not enough things posing a genuine threat to sims. This, I feel, is counterproductive, as you're probably going to feel much more attached to something you need to actively try to keep safe from harm. So I'm letting fires occur, modding lightning so it occurs more frequently and is more likely to strike the active lot, making mummies deadlier, increasing the prices of things so losing vast amounts of money in one go is actually possible...
...Actually, I may have accidentally modded in a serious potential disaster with that last one. There's a mod out there that renders your chances of success when using the slot machines from the Store casino set far, far lower and makes using them in the first place more expensive. Couple that with the fact that I'm pretty sure sims can autonomously use said slot machines, and I think I just enabled sims to develop crippling gambling addictions and bankrupt themselves.
Hey, it'd make for a good story...
MinghamSmith: 2nd Feb 2013, 10:14 AM And now, another Scumthorpe post. Apologies if there haven't been many lately, the last month's been a busy one due to finishing university essays, sorting and categorising a collection of early nineteenth-century letters for a local archive and starting a new semester. But now I'm back with yet another case of the game's AI abruptly becoming downright unsettling for no apparent reason. Much like the infamous Tuesday Sears baby-snatching incident from a few months back, I had nothing to do with this at all. This just happened, because my game is completely insane and apparently hates me.
So without further ado...
Parental Negligence and the Playground Lurker: I Couldn't Make This Up If I Tried
Last night, things were proceeding as usual for the majority of the Scumthorpe family. Carrie played with her Imaginary Friend (and only friend) Throatslasher, Rick looked after Crypto the alien baby, Larry spent the evening unsuccessfully trying to figure out how to get rid of his embarassing extraterrestrial grandchild and Sprog continued to burn things and somehow managed to acquire a hatchet.
While watching this perfectly normal scene of domestic life, however, a recurring question kept nagging at me:
I looked around for her. She wasn't in bed, or at a friend's house, or playing with leaf piles in the back garden. Time marched on, the full moon rose, midnight approached, and still she remained missing. I began to worry a little.
And then I found her playing in a sandpit. In a children's play area by the school. In the middle of the night. Alone. With the temperature at around zero degrees Celsius. Without outerwear. During a severe thunderstorm AND a full moon, in a world where full moons inevitably lead to temporary zombie plagues and certain sections of the population becoming incredibly hairy and flying into psychotic rages.
Lolita Scumthorpe, incidentally, is probably around 6 or 7.
Yes, yes, that's a lovely sandcastle but WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE
...Apparently Lolita didn't have the faintest idea either.
But hang on, I thought, there's another thought bubble coming up. Maybe this'll explain what's going on here-
-You have got to be kidding me. Game, you did NOT just go there.
You did NOT just generate a creepy old man with no eyebrows who hangs around children's playgrounds late at night and have him come out in response to the unsupervised presence of the most unfortunately-named kid in the entire town. Oh, what's that? You did? WHAT THE HELL, GAME? What next, is Story Progression going to spit out the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and stick him in a high-level teaching job at the local school? Is some poor sim child's Imaginary Friend going to unexpectedly spawn as Chucky from Child's Play and murder their entire family? For the love of god, what is wrong with my town?
OH BRILLIANT NOW WHAT
And so one of the most questionable game-generated sims of all time emerged not from behind a bush as I initially expected, but from under the ground. Because my town apparently just wasn't bizarre or disturbing enough already, so the game decided to bury an undead creeper in a children's playground when I wasn't looking and wait for the right moment to spring him on me. As you do.
But hey, at least now we can get a better look at this creature, this Playground Lurker-
oh god why did I take that screenshot why did I take that screenshot
I know she usually comes across as by far the most naive and ditzy of the Scumthorpe triplets, but when faced with this hideous decomposing mishmash of every children's storybook villain, every fantasy ghoul and every stranger danger PSA ever, Lolita made the unusually wise and logical decision of running like the wind. Perhaps she's not so dumb after all. Even if she does still believe that all babies are born from men's asses...
And thus the evening ended with a little girl wandering home alone in the pouring rain and the freezing cold, slamming the back door after her and fuming about how much her family sucks. For none of the adult members of the family had noticed her absence, or cared even one iota about her encounter with the deathless horror that sleeps beneath the earth within the grounds of a local elementary school. Such are the heartless ways of the Scumthorpe dynasty.
And the Playground Lurker?
He's still out there...
Editor's Note: And that brings us up to date. Most recent post is in fact farther up in this thread by MinghamSmith them self. All that is left is tracking down links, some editing and adding any new stories that come into being.
If I have any missing stories or links please feel free to let me know.
Originally Posted by chreai
Yay! A thread has finally been made! Adding to my favorites so I won't miss any updates. Your Scumthorpe stories are always good for a laugh, Mingham! Btw, out of curiosity, is this thread solely for Mingham's Scumthorpe adventures or can anyone who was gifted a Scumthorpe post their stories here??
While it is mainly ment to be a depository of all of MinghamSmith's stories, I think we can happily expand this to any Scumthorpe story people have to share. Heck, I'd love to hear about stories people made with families inspired by the Scumthorpe's....their distant relations perhaps?
Originally Posted by Spiritbw
While it is mainly ment to be a depository of all of MinghamSmith's stories, I think we can happily expand this to any Scumthorpe story people have to share. Heck, I'd love to hear about stories people made with families inspired by the Scumthorpe's....their distant relations perhaps?
Please God, let there be no other relations to the Scumthorpe's. Having them infest one sim town is difficult enough. If they spread........................no one will ever be safe.
Originally Posted by MinghamSmith
Too late. I've emailed copies of Larry's .sim file from my sim bin to other people on here at least twice already. It's already begun.
(Feel free to PM me if you're interested in copies of them, by the way. Mercifully, Sprog can't appear in other games since his distinctive eyes are something I acquired via a sim in a .sims3pack that I've never been able to properly identify, but Larry, Rick, Honoria and Spurgin are composed of nothing but base-game content. Judas, Darius, Alice, Sid, Carrie and Lolita are made using a few key bits of CC, EP and Store content, but are otherwise also possible to add in this way. Lester relies on quite a few custom sliders, though)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YES SEND PLEASE.
As for Sprog, maybe you could package a version of him with base game eyes? Okay so it'd suck that he wouldn't be exactly like in your game, but if someone's really desperate to have him in theirs, it'd be better than nothing?
Would love though to hear about the other ideas you have MinghamSmith.
Thanks: 2506 in 31 Posts
Thanks: 655 in 3 Posts
I would love Larry in my game too.
Originally Posted by lewisb40
Oh yeah, Bloodiedhell, damn you too for suggesting this, subtle but you directed me here. (Just joking about the damn you )
You're welcome! :P
When you say "red-hair" and "Conan", it's not exactly manly brawn that I envision.
Originally Posted by BL00DIEDHELL
I dunno, I kinda want to see a more brawny manly Conan O'Brien now.
A universe that has a brawny Conan O'Brien in it ... Now that WOULD be perverse!
When I read 'Conan' I immediately thought 'the barbarian', which is what I assume you were going for?
I got the Matilda reference, I love Roald Dahl my favorite used to be 'the BFG', but then as I got older I liked 'The Twits' the best.
Unfortunately, I'm not a big reader, and so didn't get Carrie.
I now feel like watching all the Roald Dahl books films, unfortunately I only have 'Charlie and the chocolate factory' (The original, obviously, the new one was awful compared.) but I really feel like watching 'James and the giant peach'...
BTW - Veruca - one letter short of Verruca = plantar wart. Veruca WAS a little wart. I'm thinking that was not coincidence.
Originally Posted by Sojourner
Only one observation, Mingham ....
When you say "red-hair" and "Conan", it's not exactly manly brawn that I envision.
Omg, Sojourner, that made me laugh so hard! Conan is my all-time favorite late-night host. I bet he would have even gotten a kick out of your statement! I can just picture him reacting by giving one of his fake-offended looks to the camera.
I love Conan. Don't get cable so I try to watch online whenever I can. I will never watch the Tonight Show again, and I never liked Jay Leno anyway. He's such a creepy jerk!
(Oops, I de-railed the thread... :s)
So, I've been building a Buddhist monastery based on Senemm's Zen Monastery Lot. I want my lot to be livable and to be a working monastery so I've been tweaking the lot A LOT. And I was thinking about how someone had posted on the "I wish real-life were more like the Sims when..." - they had posted about wishing people were as tolerant and unbigoted as the Sims are.
Just as I'm placing the big Buddha statue out front, the camera picks up on the neighbors next door standing on their front lawn, watching the goings-on on the new buildings going up next door (even though I'm in build mode and the game is not advancing time, I can just TELL they are watching my ever move. I CAN TELL, really!)
So, just out of curiosity, I put the building on hold and select the Keaton household just to see what, if anything, is going on. Because I swear to you, when I built the house across the street, the Keatons were nowhere to be seen, and it is 8:01 on Sunday morning on day one. Not a sim-second has advanced since I started de-fuglifying the existing houses and building new ones. I have no idea why they suddenly popped up out of nowhere. But my curiosity is aroused sooo...
The first thing that happens is He-Keaton (I can't remember their names) shakes his fist in the direction of the monastery and howls. I wasn't quick enough to get a screenshot, I was so surprised! Then immediately afterwards, She-Keaton growls and throws a hissy fit. I just barely caught the tail end of that in a screenshot. Immediately after that, for no apparent reason, He-Keaton breaks down and weeps into his open palms. Then - and this caught me totally off-guard again because I figured the drama was all over by now - He-Keaton does this weird fist-pumping, muscle-flexing dance and stares belligerently down the street towards the growing monastery again.
I imagine the whole thing went something like this:
He-Keaton (shouting and shaking fist) - "DANG FOREIGNERS AND THEIR CREEPY WEIRD VEGETARIAN DEVIL-WORSHIPPING WAYS! YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE!"
She-Keaton (doing the angry-dance) - "You can't stay here, endangering my soon-to-be-born first child! And the second one, because He-Keaton now has a dream to have a boy, AND a dream to have a girl, so we'll be getting pregnant again right away!"
He-Keaton (weeping) - "Noooooo, my poor unborn children!"
He-Keaton (fist-pumping and throwing out his chest) - "We will have revenge! WE WILL DRIVE YOU OUT!"
Then they both stood there doing nothing, just staring down the street, for several sim-minutes. I was so intrigued that I quit the game and reloaded, in the hope that they would do it again so I could get better screen shots.
Uh-uh, nothin' doing. Now they just stand there and stare down the street with zombie expressions on their faces, as if to say "We will not dance at your bidding! We are not your playthings, we are not your puppets! Do your worst, Sim-Goddess!".
Never before have I seen Sims behave this way for no reason at all. There were no signs of any pre-existing fight (presumably pre-dating the creation of their world at 8 AM Sim-Time on a Sunday morning, or one Sim-minute before I entered their household). Their relationship with each other was very high. All their needs were at the normal game-start levels. They just went off the deep end, apparently venting a heretofore unsuspected propensity for bigotry never before seen in the Simiverse. At least not by me.
What could possibly have caused this sudden foray into the darker recesses of the Sim-mind? Why, they're acting as if there was a Scumthorpe among them!
But I haven't downloaded any Scumthorpes. There are no Scumthorpes in my Sim-world. I'm sure my little Simiverse is totally Scumthorpe free!
Wait a minute! Where's that picture of Sprog I downloaded a few days ago?
NOOOOOO! It's still on my desktop!
AAAAAAAARGH! I submit to you, ladies and gentlemen, that merely having a jpg of Sprog on your hard drive is enough of a doorway for the evil that is Scumthorpe to pervade and infect your Sim-worlds.
The evil that is Sprog casts a loooong shadow, and I'm not sure that even shredding that file is enough to save my Simmies now ...